Relational dialectics

Relational dialectics is a concept related to communication in interpersonal relationships. Originating in the late 1980s, this concept identifies and examines patterns that form in relationships because of conflicting needs and desires. Contradictions such as wanting to be closer to the other person but still wanting to maintain independence create inherent contradictions that are a factor in any relationship. Relational dialectics studies, describes, and explains the effects this has on interpersonal connections.

Background

The word dialectic comes from the Greek dialektos, which means "to converse." Ancient Greeks and Romans used the word to refer to reasoned conversation or debate, similar to the modern usage of the word dialogue. The word's meaning changed and varied slightly over the years, until German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel developed his theories of truths originating from paradoxes. Hegel proposed that investigating and discussing these seemingly mutually exclusive situations would lead to the truth about them. His theories also included a belief that the impressions and actions of others are important to forming an individual's concept of "self." They also became the basis for the modern usage of the word dialectic.

Russian philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin also saw these opposing beliefs and needs as affecting interpersonal relationships. This was seen as a necessary part of the relationships, not a problem, and Bakhtin proposed it was impossible to have a relationship that did not include contradictions. Bakhtin said these tensions keep the relationship fluid and subject to change, and provide opportunity for growth.

It was this concept of dialectics as they pertain to forming interpersonal relationships that became part of the concept of relational dialectics. The study of this theory as it applies to communication began with the work of Leslie Baxter, William K. Rawlins, and Barbara Montgomery in the latter part of the 1980s. Drawing on Bakhtin's work, they began identifying patterns in how two people communicate with each other, especially those patterns related to the individual viewpoints, desires, goals, and other relationships each person holds.

The communication researchers noted that there are often conflicts in what each person brings to a relationship. For example, a couple that has just begun dating may discover that they differ in religious or political views. They like each other and wish to continue to spend time together, but these are key differences that can come up repeatedly during a relationship, creating an ongoing source of potential conflict; the couple will need to learn how to communicate through and around these issues to maintain the relationship.

Overview

The theories that make up relational dialectics often seem contrary to what people think they know about relationships. If asked, most people would likely say that people in a relationship want greater closeness and would believe that partners in a relationship always want total openness and honesty. Relational dialectics poses some challenges to these ideas. For example, while people in a romantic relationship might want to have a close association and enjoy spending time with each other, it is not likely they want to exclude everyone else from their lives and never see other friends. Parents want to be with their children, but they also need to spend time with their spouses. A child who lives close to an ailing parent may struggle with how much to share about the parent's deteriorating condition with a sibling who lives far away and feels guilty about not living closer. Partners in a relationship are frequently engaged in a balancing act to keep a level of equilibrium in the relationship, whether that relationship is between romantic partners, family members, friends, coworkers, or other acquaintances.

Through research and studies, three specific forms of relational dialectics within the couple in a relationship were identified: connectedness-separateness, certainty-uncertainty, and openness-closedness. Connectedness-separateness was found to be one of the most significant strains in any relationship; the partners desire a connection but do not want to lose individuality, and yet some individuality has to be given up by each for the relationship to work. The certainty-uncertainty principle recognizes that people often want their relationships to be comfortable and predictable while simultaneously wanting the new and novel feeling of a new relationship, or at least having some level of surprise and excitement. Openness-closedness addresses the fact that sharing personal details is not an all-or-nothing proposition and that partners in a relationship generally want to both share their lives and retain some information as private.

There are similar dialectic concerns between persons in a relationship and those around them. These include inclusion-seclusion, conventionality-uniqueness, and revelation-concealment. The inclusion-seclusion principle states that couples need to work on finding balance between time spent together versus time spent with others; this is especially important in the early stages of a relationship when two persons need time together to work on the dynamics of the relationship. Conventionality-uniqueness refers to the tension placed on a relationship to both be unique to the couple so that the relationship has value while also conforming to the community's idea of what that relationship should be. For example, a newly formed stepparent/stepchild relationship will feel pressure to fit the parent/child model while at the same time they are still forming a relationship between two people who are together only because of the other parent. Revelation-concealment refers to the challenges a relationship faces when that relationship becomes public; some couples choose to keep their relationship private initially to allow it to grow and strengthen without outside pressure.

These theories have been adapted and adjusted somewhat since they were first proposed. One frequently used text that deals with relational dialectics, A First Look at Communication Theory, has undergone many revisions since it was first published in 1991. Researchers point out that although these theories apply to one-on-one relationships, many relationships are affected by the presence of others; two people who are parents may find their relationship simultaneously affected by their relationships with their children and their relationships with aging parents, for instance. These factors mean the field needs continued research and study into how relationships are formed and sustained through communication.

Bibliography

Baxter, Leslie A. "A Tale of Two Voices: Relational Dialectics Theory." Journal of Family Communication, vol. 4, 2004, pp. 181–92, pdfs.semanticscholar.org/b522/21dd78d1996a6027a25994e74fc617dd08ea.pdf. Accessed 15 Dec. 2024.

"Dialectical Theory." University of Hawaii, www2.hawaii.edu/~randyh/lect19.htm. Accessed 15 Dec. 2024.

"Dialectic." University of Chicago, csmt.uchicago.edu/glossary2004/dialectic.htm. Accessed 15 Dec. 2024.

Dumlao, Rebecca J., and Emily M. Janke. "Using Relational Dialectics to Address Differences in Community-Campus Partnerships." Journal of Higher Education Outreach and Engagement, vol. 16, no. 2, 2012, pp. 151–75, Education Resources Information Center, files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ975814.pdf. Accessed 15 Dec. 2024.

Redding, Paul. "Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel." Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 9 Jan. 2020, plato.stanford.edu/entries/hegel. Accessed 15 Dec. 2024.

"Relational Dialectics Theory." Communication Theory, www.communicationtheory.org/relational-dialectics-theory. Accessed 15 Dec. 2024.

Scharp, Kristina M. “Relational Dialectics Theory.” Oxford Research Encyclopedia of Communication, 2023.