Despair

Type of psychology: Counseling; Clinical; Existential-humanistic; Psychopathology; Psychotherapy

Distorted thoughts and beliefs can result in despair and a sense of hopelessness, and that despair and hopelessness then determines how we look at the possibilities for our future. Our future then builds on distorted thoughts and beliefs that determine how we think, feel, and behave in the present. Fortunately, psychotherapeutic processes can stop the negative cycle of despair and lead to new possibilities for the future.

Introduction

Despair is a very common human feeling. It is typically thought of as a loss of hope and often the person experiencing it is unaware of it. Most people have experienced despair or have been on the verge of despair in response to difficult times in their lives. Typically, despair is a transient experience and dissipates as we move through difficulties such as the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, divorce, financial difficulties, relationship difficulties at work or in our personal lives, health issues, psychological difficulties, environmental challenges such as fires, floods, tornadoes, blizzards, hurricanes, or the impact of events locally, here in the U.S., or around the world.

Despair is a state of mind: the psychological and physical experience of giving up, feeling hopeless, feeling helpless, being despondent, desperate, exhausted, disheartened, resigned, and emotionally drained. Despair is also a state of mind in which a complete loss of hope drives a person to struggle against circumstances with disregard for the consequences. Despair, in fact, can often result from maladaptive resistance to dealing with life the way it just is. Reaching a despairing state of mind does not have to be sourced in a singular, significant, life-changing event. The resistance is often fueled by faulty thoughts and misconceptions called cognitive distortions. These distortions and beliefs can lead to single-mindedness that something is wrong with what happened and it should not be that way. Believing that things should not be this way is a “way of being” that often locks the mind in a state of hopelessness and futility therefore innervating the experience of despair.

Despair is an appropriate response to circumstances and usually diminishes and later dissipates once a person is willing to accept the reality of his or her circumstances and take appropriate actions to deal with the difficulties. However, for some appropriate actions are not taken over an extended period of time, and their resistance remains and despair deepens, impairing their ability to function, diminishing quality of life, and preventing them from moving forward with their goals and desires. In those cases, despair can lead to depression and, in extreme cases, suicide.

In some situations, despair is a resistance to being genuine and authentic. It is also an unwillingness to to strive toward something of purpose. Such despair is often seen in people who are talented, have unfulfilled dreams, and are emotionally paralyzed to take appropriate steps to actualize their potential. Such despair is called existential despair.

Existential Despair

Existential despair does not come from the outside world. It arises from a deep sense of hopelessness within us that seems to have no cause. The more we notice our despair, the worse it becomes. It pervades every corner of our being. The total sense of hopelessness experienced seems impossible to overcome or to conceal or embrace. Some feel very ashamed, unlovable, and unattractive because of their sense of despair. Some cling desperately to a highly resistant, single-minded sense of self-sufficiency. They will not allow others to help which perpetuates and deepens a profound sense of hopelessness. They get caught up in a negative loop in which they feel despair and hopelessness about their despair and hopelessness. The person's emotions and actions are driven by cognitive distortions that lead to hopelessness and despair. Many situations in life can lead us to despair

Understanding the Hopelessness of Despair

Despair is driven by hopelessness. There are many types of hopelessness humans experience. Recognizing the type of hopelessness one is experiencing is important in overcoming the hopeless that results in despair. In Hope in the Age of Anxiety (2009) Anthony Scioli and Henry Biller define nine different types of hopelessness and offer strategies for overcoming them:

• The first type of hopelessness is due to feelings of alienation that can result in individuals feeling they are different than others and no longer feeling worthy of love. They may then close themselves off to protect themselves from more pain or rejection.
• Feelings of being forsaken or totally abandoned at a time of greatest need is another type of hopelessness.
• Feeling uninspired is especially difficult for underprivileged persons who have few good role models or opportunities for growth and can result in hopelessness.
• People feel powerlessness and hopeless when they feel their dreams and goals are being thwarted or crushed by other people or circumstances.
• Oppression is a type of hopelessness in which a person or groups of people are, in a cruel or unjust manner, burdened mentally and physically through adverse conditions or through provoked anxiety or fear.
• Limitedness is often experienced by people living in poverty or people with severe physical handicaps or crippling learning disabilities. Not only do they experience everyday survival as a struggle, but they also feel they will never be able to master things like other people do.
• Doom is a type of hopelessness individuals experience when they are weighed down by the despair that life is over. They believe they do not have what it takes to make it in the world or to continue living if suffering from a serious, life-threatening illness.
• Hopelessness can result from captivity that is enforced by an individual or a group. Prisoners fall in this category as well as those who are held captive in a controlling, abusive relationship.
• Helplessness results from feeling exposed and vulnerable due to trauma or repeated exposure to uncontrollable stressors. Individuals no longer believe they are safe in the world.

Cognitive Distortions

Forms of hopelessness are usually fueled by cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are faulty assumptions and misconceptions that we are unaware of and are hidden from our view. We do not recognize them as a distortion but they are. Working with these faulty distortions then negatively influence our emotions and behaviors. Distortions include the following:

• All or nothing thinking
• Overgeneralization
• Mental filter
• Disqualifying the positive
• Jumping to conclusions
• Magnifying or minimizing (catastrophizing)
• Emotional reasoning
• Should statements
• Labeling and mislabeling
• Personalization
• Self-worth

Albert Ellis wrote many books indicating that the main cognitive distortions can be traced back to certain types of irrational thinking. He proposed an A-B-C paradigm that elucidated his theory. A is the activating event. Something happens that triggers the depression, despair, or other emotional state. B is the belief system that the individual has or employs. The belief system can be rational, logical, reasonable, sane, realistic, appropriate, or irrational, illogical, unreasonable, insane, inappropriate, or unrealistic. Often irrational thinking is linked to three key words: should, ought, or must. C is the consequence of the person's thinking, thought processes, or internal dialogue. If the person is thinking rationally and logically, he or she will feel appropriate emotional reactions. If the person is thinking illogically and unreasonably, he or she will feel deep depression or despair.

Overcoming Hopelessness That Leads to Despair

Understanding the psychological mechanisms that create despair can help resolve it quickly and result in appropriate actions that will assist someone getting “back on track“ and on the road to coping and overcoming the concerns that have befallen him or her. There may often need to be extensive intervention on the part of psychiatric, mental health, and medical professionals to assist with people in the throes of alcohol, suicidal thoughts, homelessness, or chronic, life-ending medical conditions.

Bibliography

Beck, A.T. (1967). Depression: Causes and Treatment. Philadelphia, PA: University of Pennsylvania Press.

Ellis, A. (1962). Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy. New York, NY: Lyle Stuart.

Scioli, Anthony, and Henry B. Biller. (2009). Hope in the Age of Anxiety. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.