Gossip

Type of psychology: Counseling; Clinical; Social

Gossip is defined as talk or rumor, typically about other people’s personal matters. Gossip can be a key part to forming meaningful relationships. By creating a bond over shared information, people are able to feel closer and ultimately develop closer relationships. However, gossip is not always good. When people are on the receiving end of negative or embarrassing gossip about themselves, they often feel angry and upset.

Introduction

Gossip is ubiquitous. Anthropologists, along with other social scientists, have found that gossip occurs around the world and in both men and women. However, there are gender differences between the content of male and female gossip. Gossiping across genders allows men and women to form bonds and during this bonding activity, gossip loses its negative connotation. Instead, gossip is seen as helping people form and deepen bonds with others. However, when a person is on the receiving end of negative gossip about himself or herself, that person often feels dejected, upset, and hurt about the negative message communicated. Currently, because of technology and online access, gossip can quickly be spread and accessed.

Cyberbullying is one of the many harmful effects of gossip and because it leads to profound shame and embarrassment, it has even been linked to suicides among youth. Prior to the rise of the Internet, negative gossip spread about young people would be able to be left at school or a similarly restrictive environment. With instant and constant access to social media sites, people are able to continuously bully by spreading derogatory information about others in a context that does not allow easy rebuttal or explanation. This article will explore the benefits and harmful effects of gossip, gender differences, and the future of gossip.

Defining gossip

We all have an idea of what gossip is, but developing a concrete definition for the purpose of research has become challenging. At a very general level, researchers define gossip as idle talk or “chit chat” about daily life (Dunbar, 2004). In feminist criticism, gossip is “girl talk” (Eckert, 1990). In an attempt to define gossip more narrowly for the purpose of this article, gossip refers to any instance of information being discussed without the third party (whom the information is about) being present or giving assent.

The positives and negatives of gossip

In the field of communications there is a term called communication privacy management theory which centers on how people make decisions about revealing and concealing private information. When a person decides to share information with another, it is usually after he or she weighs the potential benefits and harm of disclosing to the other person. If a person chooses to tell another some kind of personal, private information, the informed person now owns the information with the informant. This ownership obligates him or her to act according to the informant’s expectations. When this obligation is not fulfilled, boundary turbulence occurs, and the informant is unlikely to share information with that person again.

Whether positive or negative, gossip is abundant. In a 2001 University of Pennsylvania study, Eric Foster concluded that about 70% of our conversations involve gossip, and it is nearly impossible to be a non-participant. Gossip can be valuable, because people need to know information about those around them. It is impossible for people to be everywhere, all the time, making gossip an important way to give others insight into our lives who might otherwise not get a chance to know much about us. When gossip is used to inform and does not break any preset boundaries, it is beneficial, but when boundary turbulence occurs and a person shares more than he or she is supposed to, gossip becomes hurtful.

Given the potential for individual harm, societal mores usually dissuade people from participating. In the Bible, Leviticus commands religious followers to “Be not a talebearer.” Today, parents, teachers, and other adults in authority may simply dissuade children from participating in this behavior. These warnings stem from feelings of hurt when people do not agree with our actions.

Pros

As mentioned, gossip can be beneficial. As the gossiper we are able to give information about others that is not our own. Additionally, we are able to disclose something personal without putting anything about ourselves on the line. By talking about others we no longer have the fear of rejection which allows us to be more open and talk freely about topics we otherwise would not discuss. For example, if we hear that a colleague is going through a divorce we might talk to another colleague about the divorce. In this scenario we would be able to disclose our own opinions as to why the divorce is happening or if we think the couple should or should not be getting a divorce. We can talk about this without having any intention of harming the person getting the divorce. Rather we are disclosing his or her private information to someone else to form a bond with him or her. It is natural to want to have deep and meaningful bonds with other people and we often use gossip as a way of doing this. We have less at stake when we talk about others, but we are still able to share something meaningful and gauge how the other person reacts to the information before we disclose anything personal about ourselves.

While we are able to form meaningful bonds with people in social settings by gossiping, current research also suggests that gossiping at work can lead to a more efficient workplace. People are able to know who is and is not getting work done, meeting deadlines, and fulfilling their responsibilities. This information can be insightful to those in higher positions since they are often too removed from the day to day work to recognize those who are key to successful operations.

Cons

While gossip can be used to deepen relationships and form meaningful bonds , gossip can also be hurtful. Gossip is often information not meant to be shared with others which leads to the person who originally shared the information feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and even angry at the informant. Gossip can also be untrue. In these instances, gossip can become a false rumor which, in the most serious of cases, ends up defaming a person’s character. Additionally, by gossiping, the bonds that people form are not built on disclosed information about the people who are forming the bond. If the people in the relationship do not connect about personal information, the relationship will either remain superficial or will end.

Gender differences and gossip

While mentioned previously that both men and women gossip, there are important differences that must be accounted for. For instance, women are more likely to gossip about personal or relational issues whereas men are inclined to disclose competitive gossip. An example of competitive gossip would be when a man talks about his baseball team losing a game because a team member was going through a difficult time and was not playing well. While this is arguably similar to relational gossip, it is different because the intent of the gossip is to justify the loss of the game. In general, men tend to gossip about shared activities, mirroring how men bond by doing things together whereas women bond by talking. Research also suggests that women tend to gossip about physical appearances more than men which can be detrimental to their mental state. By constantly comparing themselves to others, whether it is their friends or media figures, they are inadvertently putting pressure on themselves to obtain unachievable goals or standards. Sometimes, when the relationship is based on talking about other people’s appearances, it can endanger the friendship by being in constant competition, whereas, with males, their friendships thrive.

Technology and gossip

While there are numerous benefits to technology, one of the biggest issues surrounding the increase of social media websites is cyberbullying among youth. Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place through social networking sites, texting, and other types of electronic communication. Often, cyberbullying begins with a rumor started at school, and the rumor then rapidly spreads through the use of technology. Cyberbullying can be incredibly detrimental to a young person and in some instances has led to suicide. While many argue that bullying and spreading rumors have always been part of society’s fabric, it has not historically filtered back into the home. In today’s world, bullying goes beyond school and potentially anywhere in the world. Children can now be bullied without reprieve, resulting in them not feeling safe anywhere. In cyberbullying, technology has created a negative space for gossip and has allowed the information to be spread to many people at a rapid pace. According to the U.S. government’s website stopbullying.gov, children and teens who are cyberbullied tend to skip school, experience bullying in real life, have low self-esteem, earn poor grades, and have more health problems. Since this is clearly detrimental to a child’s overall well-being, it further proves the negative impact technology has on gossip.

Bibliography

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Dunbar, R. I. M. (2004). Gossip in evolutionary perspective. Review of General Psychology, 8,100–110.

Eckert, P. (1990). Cooperative competition in adolescent “girl talk.” Discourse Processes, 13, 91–122.

Foster, E. (2004). “Research On Gossip: Taxonomy, Methods, and Future Directions. Review of General Psychology, 8(2), 78–99.

Furnham, A. (2013, November 9). “Gossip Is Good For You”. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201311/gossip-is-good-you?tr=HdrQuote

Kennedy-Moore, E. (2014, January 7). “Why do girls gossip?” Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/growing-friendships/201401/why-do-girls-gossip

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What is Cyberbullying? (n.d.). Retrieved October 24, 2014, from http://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/