Interpersonal attraction
Interpersonal attraction is the phenomenon that drives individuals to form connections and maintain relationships with one another. It is characterized by a positive emotional response where individuals desire to be in each other's presence. Various factors influence this attraction, including proximity, physical attractiveness, similarity, social exchange, equity, and instrumentality. For instance, people are more likely to be attracted to those they frequently encounter, as familiarity can enhance feelings of connection. Physical attractiveness plays a significant role, particularly in initial impressions, where traits like symmetry are often deemed desirable.
Additionally, individuals are drawn to those who share similar values and interests, which can enhance mutual validation and self-esteem. Social exchange theory suggests that relationships are evaluated based on the perceived rewards and costs, while equity theory emphasizes the importance of balance in these exchanges for lasting attraction. Lastly, instrumentality highlights the tendency to seek relationships that assist in achieving personal goals. Understanding these factors provides insight into the complex dynamics of human relationships and the motivations behind attraction.
Interpersonal attraction
Type of psychology: Clinical; Evolutionary; Social
When two individuals are brought together by one or a number of factors and positively evaluate each other, they experience interpersonal attraction. These factors may be proximity and familiarity, attractive characteristics, brain chemistry, similarity, social exchange, a sense of equity, or instrumentality.
Introduction
Interpersonal attraction refers to the factors that impel two people to meet and to stay together. Two people experience interpersonal attraction when they have a positive emotional evaluation of each other and want to be with each other.
There are many theories that explain why certain couples fall in love or why certain people interact and become friends. Below is an exploration of seven factors studied by scientists. These studies explain our attraction to those who live or work near us, are physically attractive, arouse us, are similar to us, reward us, or have the ability and motivation to help us achieve our goals.
Proximity and familiarity
People who see each other and interact regularly are the most likely to establish some level of meaningful relationship. Familiarity creates opportunities for this attraction. For example, people who live close to each other or in other ways interact with each other tend to be attracted to each other. Sometimes interaction is not even necessary. The mere exposure effect predicts that the more a person sees something, the more he or she will like it. Male students who were exposed to a woman in a course tended to rate that woman as more attractive as the number of classes that woman attended increased, despite having no recollection of having ever seen the woman.
Attractive characteristics
Both men and women use physical attractiveness when selecting a sexual partner, although men tend to put more of a premium on physical attractiveness when selecting a potential marital partner. Certain physical aspects are considered especially attractive. Research has shown that women prefer symmetry in both the face and body of males. They view symmetrical men as dominant, powerful, and wealthy as well as potentially better sexual partners and spouses. Women also attribute more dominance to men who have traditionally masculine facial features. As for symmetry in women, men prefer this as well and see these women as fertile, attractive, and healthy as well as potentially better sexual partners and spouses. In addition, according to evolutionary psychologists, men in 33 different countries stated they preferred a mate whose body was physically attractive. This finding is consistent with the tendency for men throughout the ages to view physical attractiveness, especially a waist-hip ratio of .70, as a signal of health and fertility.
When it comes to the first few minutes of sizing up a potential partner, both men and women rely mainly on physical attractiveness, according to scientists who studied three-minute meetings (essentially speed dating). Moreover, people overgeneralize from appearance, assuming that those who are attractive on the outside are also nicer on the inside, a phenomenon that has been termed the “what-is-beautiful-is-good-stereotype.” In fact, these judgments occur during the first 100 milliseconds of viewing a person's face. Not only is an individual judged for attractiveness, but he or she is also judged on likeability, trustworthiness, competence, and aggressiveness. However, what constitutes physical attractiveness may not be as uniform as the above studies suggest for people have a sense of their own beauty and will seek out someone who matches their conception of beauty and their conception of their own attractiveness. It is a process of social comparison combined with a personal valuing of certain attributes independent of social standards.
Although people use physical attractiveness when choosing a sexual relationship, other factors become more important when seeking a long-term relationship. In a recent study, both sexes ranked warmth, kindness, and intelligence as the most desirable traits when choosing a mate.
Brain chemistry
When two people are sexually attracted to each other, a rapid release of chemicals (neurotransmitters) are released in their brains, according to neuroscientists. By increasing the availability of the neurotransmitter, dopamine, nature sustains the interest two people might have with another, increasing the chances of procreation. Dopamine creates a feeling of reward every time an individual is with the object of passion. Another chemical, phenylethylamine (PEA) floods the brain when we experience “love at first sight,” and this chemical causes even more dopamine to be released. When the lovers are not with each other, they experience withdrawal and crave to have the closeness again. They also obsess about the loved one, due to changes in the neurotransmitter, serotonin. As the relationship progresses, other brain chemicals are also involved.
Similarity
People who are similar tend to be attracted to each other. This similarity can be in values, interests, opinions, social desirability, and physical attractiveness. There is a saying that “opposites attract” but the social psychology literature demonstrates similarity is what holds people together. Furthermore, perceived, rather than actual, similarity has the main effect. One study found that couples' similarity in physical attractiveness rather than the degree of physical attractiveness predicted their going out on a second date. Another study found that those that saw themselves as most similar in attractiveness reported being the most deeply in love nine months later. It seems perceived similarity is an important factor in interpersonal attraction because this similarity validates people's beliefs and views of themselves. This social comparison in terms of similarity bolsters self-esteem. Thus, people with a low comparison level experience stronger attraction to others because their standards for receiving an ego boost from another are lower. For example, studies have shown that physically unattractive people not only tend to have lower standards for a potential partner, but they also tend to view potential partners as more attractive.
Social exchange
People are attracted to others who satisfy various needs, in other words, those who are rewarding. These needs may be pleasure, anxiety reduction, or self-esteem. For example, a person with a sense of humor gives pleasure to others in both romance and friendship. Additionally, studies have shown that help managing anxiety through social contact with another person who experiences the same anxiety-provoking situation is rewarding. Other studies have shown that people who boost another's self-esteem, either by agreeing with his or her views or by allowing an association with a high status person, are also perceived as rewarding.
According to social exchange theory, people then assess a possible relationship in terms of the rewards and costs as well as a social comparison of whether this relationship is better than another relationship they could have. A person might value a relationship with a friend who plans fun activities even though the friend sometimes forgets to invite that person. This is a more gratifying relationship than that with people who are not fun. In a romantic relationship, a woman might reward a man with her beauty and feel rewarded by that man's wealth, while both of them put up with each other's occasional outbursts.
People are also attracted to others who like them. In keeping with this reciprocity effect, men are attracted to women who are easy for them to get but hard for other men to get. Thus, people are attracted to others who like them, but only if this liking makes them feel special.
Equity
Equity theory goes beyond social exchange theory to explain attraction based on an assessment of equity in the exchange. Men and women may say they want a partner who is more desirable than they are, but they end up choosing partners similar to their own social worth. The socially desirable characteristics used in matches to create equity are not just physical attractiveness but include income, social status, intelligence, attractive personality, compassion, and ability to be agreeable. Thus, one desirable characteristic can be traded for another. Furthermore, those couples who perceived their relationship to be equitable were happiest and had the longest-lasting relationships. It is the perception that one is getting as much as one deserves in the relationship that holds the relationship together.
Instrumentality
People are attracted to and approach other people who might help them achieve their goals while avoiding those who cannot help them. A person is selected to help with a currently activated goal but then may be discarded when not instrumental in achieving other goals. Furthermore, those people selected must have both the ability and willingness to help others achieve their goals. For example, if a person wants to exercise on a more regular basis, he or she will select someone in the social network who may be instrumental to achieving this goal. Thus, the concept of instrumentality explains one of the motivations behind attraction to various members of a social network. It addresses more than just the reward value in a relationship and recognizes that people value different rewards at different times. In fact, some researchers have declared that the interpersonal facilitation of one's goal pursuits is the main reason why close relationships exist.
Interpersonal Attraction and Online Dating
With the advent of the Internet, mobile phones, and social media, the way that people meet and assess or establish interpersonal attraction has changed. Through dating websites and apps, the initial interaction or attraction a person can have with another is based primarily on appearance. Attractive characteristics come to the forefront. Similarity also becomes a more significant factor in attraction, at least in the case of sites that allow for a personality profile. The other forms of attraction will or can factor in once two people have begun to talk or meet in person.
Bibliography
Berscheid, E. & Walster, E. (1978). Interpersonal Attraction (2nd ed.). Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley. Although this book was published decades ago, it is still one of the best sources of information about the proximity, similarity, social exchange, and equity of interpersonal attraction. It also explains the process of romantic love.
Hendrick, S. (2004). Understanding Close Relationships. Boston, MA: Pearson. This book describes attraction in friendship and in romantic love and is a good source of scientific references for these topics.
Khazan, Olga. "A Psychologist's Guide to Online Dating." Atlantic. Atlantic Monthly Group, 11 Dec. 2013. Web. 29 June 2016.
McKenna, Katelyn Y. A., Amie S. Green, and Marci E. J. Gleason. "Relationship Formation on the Internet: What's the Big Attraction?" Journal of Social Issues 58.1 (2002): 9–31. Print.
Young, L., & Alexander, B. (2014). The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex, and The Science Of Attraction. New York: Penguin Books. Print.