Dating Violence and Victimization

Dating violence and victimization encompass various forms of abuse and violence that occur between individuals in a romantic relationship. This can include physical violence, emotional abuse, psychological manipulation, verbal assaults, and economic control. Importantly, dating violence is not limited by age, race, or sexual orientation, affecting diverse groups across different cultural contexts. While physical abuse is often the most visible form, non-physical abuse—such as emotional and psychological manipulation—can be equally damaging, aiming to exert control and power over the victim.

Digital abuse has emerged as a modern form of violence, utilizing technology to manipulate or harass victims. Economic abuse also plays a significant role, where one partner restricts financial resources to maintain control. The impact of dating violence can be particularly severe for marginalized groups, including immigrants, who may face additional barriers to seeking help. Resources and programs aimed at prevention and education are essential in combating dating violence and promoting healthy relationships among young people. Addressing this issue requires a nuanced understanding of its many forms and the cultural factors that influence its prevalence.

Published in: 2023

By: Zimmer, Scott

Subject Terms

Dating Violence and Victimization

Abstract

Dating violence and dating abuse are broad terms that include any form of violence or threat of violence that occurs between two people in the context of an ongoing romantic relationship. This does not include such behavior between married persons, as this is characterized instead as domestic violence. A considerable amount of research has been devoted to determining a profile of a typical offender and a typical victim, but repeated studies have shown that dating abuse occurs among all racial and ethnic groups, all age categories, and in relationships between same-sex and opposite-sex partners.

Overview

Dating violence can take many different forms depending on the cultural context, geographic location, and the personalities and backgrounds of the abuser and the person suffering from the abuse. The most obvious manifestation of dating violence is physical violence, in which one party is attacked by the other party. In some cases, this results in physical injury or sexual assault, while in other cases, it makes the victim fear for their safety but does not involve physical contact (Office on Women's Health, 2021). In either case, abuse has occurred. Each year, millions of people around the world are subjected to the threat of physical violence or its actual use, in the context of dating. Often, this is done to control the victim, with the violence used to punish perceived disobedience or to force the target to conform their behavior to the wishes of the abuser.

As widespread as physical dating violence is, it is believed that its prevalence is far surpassed by that of psychological, emotional, and verbal abuse between partners. These forms of non-physical abuse have the same overarching goals as does physical violence—power and control over the target—but to realize these goals, non-physical dating abuse seeks to turn the target's own mind against them. To accomplish this the abuser may try any of a multitude of different tactics (Giggans & Levy, 2013). A powerful motivator is guilt, and to use it an abuser may tell the target that he or she is to blame for the abuse, because the abuser is motivated only by love and concern and does not want to have to mistreat anyone. The abuser will explain that if only the target would behave in a certain way, or refrain from behaving in a certain way (being friendly with members of the opposite sex, for example), then the abuser would not need to act out. This form of dating violence is known as psychological abuse because it causes the target to question their own perception of reality. Because psychological abuse is so subtle, it can be difficult for the target to detect its presence and, once detected, to overcome its influence (Lily, 2012; Office on Women's Health, 2021).

Verbal abuse is sometimes thought of as the spoken word equivalent to physical abuse, inasmuch as verbal abuse in a dating relationship is usually fairly easy to detect. It involves one person using hurtful words about the other in an effort to inflict emotional pain, to degrade the target in front of others, or to instill feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. For example, a couple visiting an elegant restaurant on a date might be asked if they would like to sit near the kitchen immediately or wait a few minutes for a window table (Conway et al., 2013). If the abuser turned to the target and then responded, "No need for a window table, she's not much to look at," this could be an instance of verbal abuse because it is calculated to make the target feel unattractive and worthless.

Emotional abuse in a dating relationship, like psychological abuse, tends to occur over longer periods of time than does physical or verbal abuse. A punch from a fist or a cruel turn of phrase can do their damage in an instant, but emotional abuse requires time before it can take effect. This is because emotional abuse operates by injuring the target's feelings rather than the target's body or reputation. Early in a dating relationship, a couple has generally not formed strong feelings of attachment for each other, so emotional abuse is rare (Hamby & Grych, 2013). After the passage of several weeks or months, however, when affection has had a chance to grow, the potential for emotional abuse becomes substantial. The abuser uses a combination of words and actions to communicate to the target the abuser's feelings of indifference, contempt, or similar emotions. This can happen in small ways, such as consistently forgetting anniversaries, refusing to attend events, and so forth, or it can take a more blatant form, as when one member of the couple is unfaithful to the other.

Digital abuse is defined by the US Office of Women's Health as abuse that utilizes technology. Typical examples include repeated calls or texts, social media harassment, unwanted sexting, using social media to track a victim, and more. This type of abuse is common in the twenty-first century, and closely resembles traditional emotional abuse but uses a virtual medium (Office on Women's Health, 2021).

Economic abuse is another form of violence and victimization that can occur within a dating relationship. Economic abuse occurs when one party uses the other party's financial situation to inflict harm or as a means of control (Clark, 2013). This usually takes the form of withholding money that the other party needs to pay for expenses, childcare, or other important obligations. Economic abuse is thought to occur with greater frequency among married couples or unmarried couples who have been together for a long time, because in these situations both parties tend to commingle their finances or at least some of their accounts. In dating relationships, on the other hand, the parties are still getting to know each other and often are financially independent of each other, at least at the outset. Even in these cases, there are still many opportunities for an abuser to use economic resources to manipulate or control the target. For example, a heterosexual man who does not want his partner to begin working outside the home—because doing so will bring greater independence and might result in her leaving him—could refuse to drive her to the job interview or give her gas money or money to pay for public transportation. The abuser uses money to force the target to do what the abuser wants or to prevent the target from doing something the abuser does not want her to do. Economic abuse also tends to have the side effect of further isolating the target, as in the example—by preventing the target from working, the abuser cuts off any contacts that the target might have formed in the workplace.

Applications

Each of the forms of dating violence and victimization discussed above share some characteristics. Most notably, the abuse typically starts out small and gradually escalates. This is because those who perpetrate the abuse are often skilled at hiding those parts of their personality that might give their targets a clue about their true nature. During the initial phase of a relationship, the abuser will go to great lengths to appear kind, considerate, and caring (Kelley, 2015). As time passes, however, other behaviors will begin to emerge, depending on the abuser's preferred method of control. Abusers will attempt to induce targets to become dependent on them, phrasing their entreaties in such a way as to appear perfectly logical and in the target's best interest. For example, after a few months of dating, an abuser might urge his target to move in with him. On the surface this appears innocent and even romantic, as if the abuser wants to make a long-term commitment to his target. On a deeper level, though, the abuser knows that it is only his name on the lease and that if he and his partner live together, there will be a much smaller chance for the target to escape his clutches, as the alternative to enduring the abuse would be homelessness (Wallace & Roberson, 2019).

Dating violence also can be traced to the abuser's desire for power and control over the target, regardless of the form the abuse takes. The dynamic of the abuser is to attempt to isolate the target from any kind of support system that might be able to intervene to prevent the abuse, to establish "rules" for the target to follow to avoid abuse, and to punish the target for any violations of those rules. While dating violence can occur between any couple and the abuser can be of any gender, the most statistically common type of abuse is that perpetrated against a woman by a man. Many studies have sought to determine the reason for this. Some research concentrates on the economic disparities between men and women. In the industrialized West in 2022, women earned an average of eighty-eight cents for every dollar a man earned, thanks to generations of male domination of the workforce and the continued pressure women face to enter lower-paying careers in education, nursing, and stereotypical caregiving roles. In a relationship with a skewed economic power dynamic—one partner has greater access to money and other resources—the less financially stable individual may be vulnerable to mistreatment (Bottke, 2014), but social support has been shown to mitigate this imbalance (Schrag et al., 2020).

Another school of thought posits that men tend to be the aggressors in dating violence for biological, evolutionary reasons. Proponents of this view contend that as human beings evolved, males developed traits associated with physical aggression—larger body frames, greater amounts of muscle tissue, and hormones such as testosterone. These evolutionary features were important advantages in the struggle against the many dangers posed by wild animals and the natural world, but now that human beings have attained a measure of civilization, these violent predispositions are out of place. Some go so far as to suggest that males should be less accountable for their outbursts of violence and other abuse because of their genetic makeup, although this is a view held only by a radical minority. Most researchers agree that genetics does play a role, but that a much more significant factor is that of socialization: Men are more often the abusers in dating relationships because of the way they have been taught to behave rather than because of the genetic traits they have inherited.

Viewpoints

Dating violence is of particular concern for minorities, such as immigrants, because they experience exceptionally high rates of dating violence and victimization (Hulley, 2023). This can be attributed to the fact that they often lack an extensive support system, as many of their family members may have remained in their country of origin, and they may have difficulty communicating their situation if a communication barrier exists between them and those in the country in which they have taken up residence. Those who immigrate without proper documentation are even more at risk, because their lack of lawful status in their new country can give abusers another form of leverage with which to control them. In the United States, Congress enacted the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which gives undocumented women several avenues they can use to escape abuse and prevent their immigration status from being used to control them.

The Centers for Disease Control developed resources to help individuals and communities understand and prevent violence. One of these programs is Dating Matters: Strategies to Promote Healthy Teen Relationships, a model aimed at eleven to fourteen year olds to improve introspection, healthy relationships, and communication tools. Another set of strategies for preventing dating violence may be found in Preventing Intimate Partner Violence Across the Lifespan: A Technical Package of Programs, Policies, and Practices. It includes teen and adult advice and multiple strategies for prevention and safety (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2023).

Terms & Concepts

Battered spouse syndrome: Targets of abuse who remain with their abuser despite having opportunities to escape. Typically, the target stays because they feel helpless to escape, fear being tracked down, or have come to believe that the abuse is at least partially their own fault.

Blaming the victim: A frequent response to a target's attempt to get help to escape abuse is for those who know the abuser to feel that the target is at fault for the situation. This tends to occur when the abuser is skilled at hiding abusive behavior from others, meaning that only the target is aware of what truly goes on.

Date rape: Sexual assault that involves parties in a courtship relationship. It is often used disparagingly to describe what might be called a "less severe" form of rape, based on the assumption that the target put himself or herself into a bad situation and then later decided to call it rape. Efforts are ongoing to educate the public that date rape is just as bad as rape by a stranger (sometimes worse) and that everyone has the right to refuse sexual advances.

Feminism: The social and philosophical position that views women as equal in value and potential to men, rather than as "lesser versions" of men. Because a large percentage of dating violence is committed by men against women, there has been some backlash against the movement to reduce dating violence; this backlash often blames forces such as feminism or political correctness for imposing nontraditional attitudes toward gender relations on society.

Intergenerational transmission: A phenomenon of which psychologists have long taken note. It is based on the idea that people tend to behave in ways that are familiar to them based on their childhood environment. In the case of dating violence and victimization, children who see their parent or sibling suffering or inflicting abuse in an intimate relationship may form the impression that this is an acceptable way to behave, and act accordingly when they are older and ready to begin dating.

Rape culture: Sometimes used to describe an environment in which the context people find themselves in appears to support rape and other forms of dating violence. This phrase is often used to describe certain college campuses and fraternities, where new members to the group are told explicitly or implicitly that to fit in, they must engage in abusive or manipulative behaviors to have sex and thereby claim or maintain their status in the group.

Bibliography

Bottke, A. (2014). A young woman's guide to setting boundaries. Harvest House.

Browne, M. A. (2012). Violence and abuse in society: Understanding a global crisis. Praeger.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). Fast facts: Preventing teen dating violence. Retrieved June 25, 2023, from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teendatingviolence/fastfact.html

Clark, V. A. (2013). Intimate partner violence among adolescents: Causes and correlates. LFB Scholarly.

Conway, P., Cox, P. J., Cook-Craig, P. G., Ortega, S., & Armstead, T. (2013). Strengthening systems to prevent intimate partner violence and sexual violence. Taylor and Francis.

Giggans, P. O., & Levy, B. (2013). When dating becomes dangerous: A parent's guide to preventing relationship abuse. Hazelden.

Gosselin, D. K. (2014). Heavy hands: An introduction to the crimes of intimate and family violence. Pearson.

Hamby, S. L., & Grych, J. H. (2013). The web of violence: Exploring connections among different forms of interpersonal violence and abuse. Springer Verlag.

Hulley, J., Bailey, L., Kirkman, G., Gibbs, G. R., Gomersall, T., Latif, A., & Jones, A. (2023). Intimate partner violence and barriers to help-seeking among black, asian, minority ethnic and immigrant women: A qualitative metasynthesis of global research. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 24(2), 1001–1015. https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380211050590

Kelley, E. L., Edwards, K. M, Dardis, C. M, & Gidycz, C. A. (2015). Motives for physical dating violence among college students: A gendered analysis. Psychology of Violence, 5(1), 56–65. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036171

Lily, H. M. (2012). Dating violence. Rosen Pub.

Marasca, A. R., & Falcke, D. (2015). Forms of violence in the affective-sexual relationships of adolescents. Interpersona, 9(2), 200–214. doi.org/10.5964/ijpr.v9i2.176. Retrieved December 22, 2016, from EBSCO online database Sociology Source Ultimate. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sxi&AN=111895257&site=ehost-live&scope=site

Office on Women's Health. (2021). Dating violence and abuse. Retrieved June 25, 2023, from https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/dating-violence-and-abuse

Schrag, V., Ravi, K. E., & Robinson, S. R. (2020). The Role of Social Support in the Link Between Economic Abuse and Economic Hardship. Journal of family violence, 35(1), 85–93. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-018-0019-8

Wallace, H., & Roberson, C. (2019). Victimology: Legal, psychological, and social perspectives (5th ed.). Pearson.

Dating Violence and Victimization

On this Page

Subject Terms

Dating Violence and Victimization

Abstract

Overview

Applications

Viewpoints

Terms & Concepts

Bibliography

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