First Communion by Tomás Rivera
"First Communion" by Tomás Rivera is a poignant narrative that explores the complexities of childhood innocence and the transition to awareness of adult themes, particularly through the lens of a young boy preparing for his first Holy Communion in a religious context. The story captures the boy's excitement and anxiety as he grapples with the expectations of confession and the fear of sin, vividly influenced by images of punishment and moral teachings from authority figures like nuns and his mother.
The night before the ceremony, he struggles with insomnia, trying to recall every sin he might need to confess. However, his perspective shifts dramatically when he unintentionally witnesses a couple in a compromising situation, leading him to confront confusing feelings about sexuality and guilt. This pivotal moment catalyzes deep internal conflict as he questions his worthiness to partake in Communion.
Ultimately, the experience leaves the boy in a state of disillusionment, feeling changed yet uncertain about the implications of his newfound knowledge. Rivera's narrative delicately intertwines themes of innocence, guilt, and the quest for understanding, reflecting the complex emotions surrounding rites of passage in religious traditions. This story invites readers to reflect on the impacts of societal and familial teachings on a child's development and understanding of morality.
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First Communion by Tomás Rivera
First published: "Primera comunión," 1971 (English translation, 1971)
Type of plot: Domestic realism
Time of work: The 1940's and 1950's
Locale: Southwestern United States
Principal Characters:
The narrator , who recalls an experience of his youthHis parents His godfather A priest A nun A couple
The Story
The narrator recalls the time when, as a young boy, he was excited the night before his first Holy Communion. This was to be a memorable day in his life, not because he would get a godfather and would be able to have all the sweet treats that he could eat after the ceremony but because of what he was to see in the window of the tailor shop next to the church.
He recalls how he could not sleep the night before his first Communion because he was trying to remember all of his sins. He had been taught that it was blasphemous to go to Communion without confessing the exact number of his sins. He also could not sleep because his mother had put "phantasmagorical" pictures, including a depiction of hell, in his room. He also remembers the nun who taught him about confession, various categories of sins—especially sins of the flesh, which bring the punishments of hell. He was frightened of punishment in hell because he had burnt his calf a few months earlier when he fell into a tub of coals used to heat his room, so he knew that an eternity of burning in hell would be horrible. To make sure that he would not attend Communion as a sinner and then burn in hell, he determined that even though he could only recall 150 sins, he would confess 200 of various types and all degrees—just to be safe.
After waiting for his aging mother to finish preparing his clothes, he arrived at church so early that it was still locked. He walked around until he heard laughter and moans emanating from a tailor shop next to the church. Not expecting to find anyone, he peered into the window and saw a man and woman having sex. He could not stop watching. Eventually, they saw him, covered themselves, and yelled at him. He was so scared that he ran back toward the church.
Now knowing what sins of the flesh must be, he could not put the image of what he saw out of his mind. He even began to believe that because he had seen the man and woman lying on the floor, he, too, was guilty of "that sin of the flesh." Thoroughly confused, he wondered whether he should still go to Communion. He had better not confess, he thought, because he was forever ruined by forbidden knowledge. In the midst of these internal debates, however, he considered going back to watch the couple again and became greatly worried about how to deal with this situation.
When he finally reached confession, he told about his 200 sins but not about "his" sin of the flesh. He then attended Communion. On returning home, everything seemed smaller and somehow less significant. When he saw his mother and father, he imagined them naked on the floor together, like the couple in the shop. He also imagined that the people in his house were naked with distorted faces, and he visualized the priest and nun on the floor, as well. Unable to eat the wonderful treats—sweet bread and chocolate drinks—because of what he was thinking, he ran out the door.
His father and godfather thought that he was leaving because of youthful vigor or bad manners, but he was simply disturbed by what he had seen, withheld, and thought of on this day of his first Communion.
After spending time alone up a tree in the midst of a scrub-desert, he again recalled the scene at the tailor shop and realized that he actually derived great pleasure from remembering it. Forgetting that he lied to the priest, he felt the same way he did when he first heard about the Grace of God. For a moment, he felt that he wanted to learn more about life, about everything. However, after this feeling of elation passed, he realized that, perhaps, nothing had changed after all.