Recovering by May Sarton
"Recovering" by May Sarton is a reflective journal chronicling a pivotal year in the author's life as she navigates the profound emotional challenges following the loss of a long-term relationship, the impact of depression, and the physical toll of a mastectomy. Initiated on December 28, 1978, the journal captures Sarton's feelings of isolation and despair, particularly exacerbated by her partner Judy's decline into senility and a harsh critique of her latest novel. Throughout the narrative, Sarton explores the themes of commitment, love, and the complexities of lesbian relationships, offering insights into her own struggles with identity and worth.
The journal serves as a poignant exploration of grief and recovery, revealing how Sarton's reflections resonate with a diverse audience, including widows and young individuals facing uncertainty in their own lives. Sarton shares her belief that true commitment is essential for a meaningful life, underscoring the importance of artistic dedication alongside personal relationships. Through her experiences, she ultimately finds a path toward healing and joy, inviting readers to contemplate their own journeys through adversity. "Recovering" offers a deeply personal yet universally relevant narrative that encourages acceptance, resilience, and the embrace of vulnerability in the face of life's challenges.
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Recovering by May Sarton
First published: 1980
The Work
Recovering: A Journal chronicles a year in the life of May Sarton as she deals with the loss of a thirty-five-year relationship, depression, and a mastectomy. The journal was begun December 28, 1978. Her elderly partner, Judy, has been in a nursing home for seven years, her health deteriorating and her senility worsening. The depression caused by the loss of this relationship has been exacerbated by a stingingly negative review of Sarton’s newest novel, A Reckoning (1978), in a major newspaper.
In this journal, Sarton shares her feelings of failure and the fear that she no longer has anything to “look forward to with a leap of the heart. What I have lost this past year is the sense of destiny, the belief that what I have to offer as a human being in love or as a writer . . . is worthy.”
Despite her long relationship with Judy, Sarton had lived alone for twenty years, writing extensively about solitude. Sarton notes that her journals are read most fervently by widows and by young people who have not yet committed to a career or a love relationship. Concerned that she may present a poor role model to young people, who often misinterpret her life as easier than it is, she reprints a two-page letter she wrote to one young woman, in which she clarifies her feelings about commitment and lesbianism. “There has to be commitment somewhere or life has no meaning. Can one be committed simply to oneself? I think not. . . . I committed myself to the art of writing.” Although a lesbian, a fact that she publicly acknowledged in the mid-1960’s, Sarton proves to be no apologist for homosexuality: She writes that lesbianism can be a form of narcissism, and that lesbian relationships seldom last, unless one of the partners takes on the role of a wife, creating a marriage of sorts.
Sarton describes her mastectomy as a purge, and believes that the effort required to recover from it gave her new psychic energy. As Sarton comes to grips with the loss of a breast, she finally begins to climb out of her depression. As the year ends, Sarton has transcended her depression enough to ask a friend to move in with her for the winter months. As she had said earlier, “accepting dependence with grace was one of the last lessons we all have to learn.” Sarton’s journey through depression and her eventual ability to welcome back “joy and praise” are lessons to which all types of people can relate.
Bibliography
Ballentine, Sheila. “Something Helpless That Needs Help.” The New York Times Book Review, October 17, 1982, 14, 37-38.
Hunting, Constance, ed. May Sarton: Woman and Poet. Orono, Maine: National Poetry Foundation, 1992.
Sarton, May. May Sarton: Among the Usual Days, a Portrait. Edited by Susan Sherman. New York: W. W. Norton, 1993.
Sibley, Agnes. May Sarton. New York: Twayne, 1972.