Wet Saturday by John Collier
"Wet Saturday" is a darkly humorous short story by John Collier that explores themes of familial dysfunction, societal expectations, and moral ambiguity. Set on a rainy July day, the narrative centers around Mr. Princey, who is deeply frustrated with his family, particularly his daughter, Millicent, after she commits an act of violence against a local curate, Withers. The story unfolds as Mr. Princey grapples with the potential consequences of Millicent's actions, which threaten not only her future but also his own status in the community.
As the plot progresses, Mr. Princey's desperation leads him to concoct a cover-up that implicates another character, Captain Smollett, in Withers' death. This manipulation reflects Mr. Princey's willingness to go to extreme lengths to protect his family and preserve his way of life, despite the moral implications of his actions. The story culminates in a chilling conclusion, leaving readers to ponder the lengths to which individuals will go to maintain their reputations and the dark humor that can arise from such desperate situations. "Wet Saturday" serves as a commentary on human nature, societal pressures, and the complexities of family loyalty.
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Wet Saturday by John Collier
First published: 1938
Type of plot: Satire
Time of work: The 1930's
Locale: Abbot's Laxton, England
Principal Characters:
Mr. Princey , a head of a family who despises his familyMrs. Princey , his hysterical wifeMillicent Princey , their daughter and a killerGeorge Princey , their son and a failed medical studentWithers , the local clergyman, a murder victimCaptain Smollett , a neighbor
The Story
On a rainy July day, Mr. Princey gathers together his family, which he abhors, because his daughter, Millicent, has done something so stupid as to threaten his way of life. Mr. Princey's pleasures are simple: He loves his house; likes to walk through the village, where his prestige is acknowledged; and enjoys reminiscing about the lost pleasures of his childhood.
As he addresses his family, he mercilessly lashes at Millicent for her as yet unnamed error. If caught, he explains, she will be hanged or committed to an asylum for the criminally insane. He also insults George, his son, when he asks the young man whether his abortive career as a medical student has enabled him to tell whether Millicent's crime can be disguised as an accident. George says that it cannot. Millicent has hit the victim several times with a croquet mallet.
Calming his wife with direct abuse and his daughter with threats of asylums and hanging, Princey asks Millicent to describe the afternoon's events. Millicent, it turns out, had been packing up the croquet set in the stable on that wet afternoon when the young neighboring curate, Withers, on his way for a walk to Bass Hill, cut through the property and stopped to talk, sheltering himself in the stable away from the heavy rain. Millicent had long loved this young man (George interjects that the local pub has been laughing at her infatuation for the past several years), and so, when Withers said that he was now in a position to be married, she assumed that he was about to propose to her. She was wrong. Apologetically, he gave her the name of another girl with whom he would be married and turned his back to leave, at which point Millicent struck him several times with a croquet mallet. Then she returned to the house, trusting her family to shelter her. In this, she was correct.
They are still discussing the death of Withers when Captain Smollett, with only a tap at the door, walks in. Clearly, he has been in a position to hear some of their conversation, but he assumes that they have been joking about Withers's death. He admits that, at the moment, he is none too fond of that young man himself because he, too, has been courting the young woman whom Withers won.
This admission gives Princey an idea, and he calls George to the stables. A few minutes later, Princey returns and asks Smollett if he would like to see something interesting. When they reach the stables, Princey aims a gun at Smollett and tells him that, while he and George came out to shoot a rat, they might well have an accident and shoot Smollett instead. Holding Smollett captive, Princey explains that Withers's accident must be smoothed over. Smollett, he says, would remember the conversation that he had walked in on when he heard that Withers had met with a fatal accident that day. Smollett, an apparently honest man, admits that he probably would.
Princey explains that he does not want Millicent arrested because he would be forced to leave the village. Smollett offers a promise of silence, but Princey insists that he must ensure the neighbor's silence by other means. He considers killing Smollett, having no more compunction about two corpses than about one, but he finds another way out. Smollett, after all, has admitted his own jealousy of Withers and thus has a motive for killing him. Therefore, offering Smollett the choice of death or compliance, he implicates Smollett in Withers's death. He orders George to hit Smollett in the face hard enough to leave traces of a struggle, and he forces Smollett to leave his own fingerprints on the murder weapon and on the ring by which the flagstone over the sewer is raised. Withers's body is deposited in the sewer.
Princey mops his brow with relief. Because no one knew that Withers would stop on his way to Bass Hill, investigators are hardly likely to check the Princey sewer. The group returns to the drawing room, where Mrs. Princey gushingly thanks Smollett for his cooperation. She still has tears of gratitude in her eyes as Smollett goes down the drive.
Princey has one last talk with his wife and daughter and, after the rain ends, one last look around the stable. Reassured, he picks up the telephone to call the Bass Hill police station and report the murder. The story ends here, but the reader has watched the evidence being manufactured and knows that Princey has done a very thorough job. Smollett will most assuredly take the blame.