Toxic relationship
A toxic relationship is characterized by one person's detrimental behaviors that harm the mental and/or physical health of another. This dynamic often involves manipulation, control, and emotional abuse, leading to feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity for the affected individual. While commonly associated with romantic partnerships, toxic relationships can occur in various contexts, including familial bonds and workplace interactions. Signs of toxicity include persistent criticism, blame-shifting, belittling, and emotional or physical threats, creating an environment where trust and safety are compromised.
Addressing a toxic relationship can be challenging, as it requires the willingness of both parties to change. Experts recommend setting clear boundaries and being prepared to leave the relationship if necessary, especially in cases of physical violence. It is crucial for those in toxic relationships to seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals to navigate their situation and prioritize their well-being. Recognizing the signs and understanding the complexities of toxic relationships can empower individuals to make informed decisions about their interpersonal connections.
Toxic relationship
Toxic relationships are those in which one person’s behavior is bad for the mental and/or physical health of the other. The toxic person seeks to dominate or control the relationship through behaviors that damage the other person’s self-esteem and well-being. In extreme cases, the toxic person may also pose a threat to the physical well-being and safety of the other individual.
Toxic relationships are most often thought of in terms of romantic partnerships. However, they can occur in any form of relationship between two or more people. This includes the parent-child relationship and those between siblings or other blood relatives. It can also encompass relationships at work as well as relationships in school or social settings. However, toxic relationships are most likely to occur in relationships that are more difficult to leave, such as marriages and parent/child relationships.
Background
The word “toxic” comes from the Latin word toxicum, which means “poisoned.” This was derived from the Greek word toxicon, which is a poison intended to be used on arrows. Toxicon was derived from toxicos, the Greek word for something pertaining to arrows. By the mid-seventeenth century, “toxic” had come into use in French as a word referring to something that poisoned someone or something else.
Toxic relationships are those that are poisoned in some way. In healthy relationships, two or more persons show concern for each other’s well-being. They show respect and engage in acts that demonstrate that they care for one another. Each person feels safe to fully express their feelings and needs, and a sense of comfort and security exists. In a toxic relationship, one person consistently acts in a way that is damaging to the other’s feelings and emotional well-being. These actions poison the relationship and make it toxic.
Overview
Psychologists define toxic relationships as those in which one person seeks to control the relationship by making the other person feel bad. The toxic person may make fun of the other person, belittling their interests, friends, or family. The toxic person is often highly critical of the other person’s appearance, actions, or accomplishments. They might try to make the other person feel guilty or blame them for everything, even things that cannot be controlled. The toxic person might use angry outbursts to stop the other person from doing something or force the person to do something they do not want to do. Toxic individuals may be jealous of any time spent with others or may constantly break plans or promises. In each case, the goal is to dominate the other person and force them to meet the toxic person’s needs.
It should be noted that any of these behaviors may sometimes occur in a healthy relationship. People have bad days and act in unkind or inappropriate ways. What defines a relationship as toxic is when these behaviors occur consistently and are the toxic person’s usual method of interaction.
Experts say that people become toxic because they themselves have poor self-esteem. Their insecurities show up as efforts to control others in an effort to get love they do not think would be given to them willingly. Ironically, this is also the reason many people stay in relationships even after they realize that they have become toxic. They do not feel that anyone else will love them if they leave the toxic person.
Toxic Behaviors
Psychologists have identified several types of behaviors, including the following:
- Anger: losing control of emotions in explosive outbursts, often in an unpredictable way.
- Blaming or guilt: making everything the fault of the other person, making them feel guilty for wanting to do things, or expressing disappointment in how things were done.
- Belittling: making fun of the other person or activities that they like, especially in front of others.
- Overreacting: responding to everything based on how it affects them. For instance, if the nontoxic person expresses unhappiness in the relationship, the toxic person will rant about how upset that makes them until the nontoxic person ends up feeling selfish.
- Over-dependency: taking an outwardly passive role in decision-making so that the toxic person can blame the other person for “bad” or “wrong” decisions.
- Undependable; constantly breaking promises, limiting the other person’s ability to make plans.
- User: expecting huge returns in exchange for normal courtesies or small favors. For example, the toxic person constantly reminds the other they up milk on the way home to coerce the other into stopping multiple times for other items.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
The consistent presence of these behaviors is an indication that the relationship is toxic:
- Being unable to trust the other person, including not feeling safe sharing feelings or fears with them
- Being openly hostile
- Frequently criticizing, judging, and undermining
- Disrespecting
- Constantly feeling unhappy or uncomfortable around the other person
- Refusing to take responsibility
- Spending time tending to the other person’s desires leaves no time for self-care
- Stonewalling and refusing attempts to discuss the situation
- Ignoring or forgetting events that are important to the other person
- Feeling emotionally or physically threatened by the toxic person
Fixing a Toxic Relationship
Experts say that fixing toxic relationships is very difficult because it is not possible for one person to change the behavior of the other. Instead, the effort to repair the relationship has to center on attempting to convince the other person to change. Psychologists say that the only sure way to do this is to be prepared to leave the relationship.
The process involves confronting the toxic person about their behavior. It is necessary to set boundaries as to what behavior the nontoxic person will tolerate. This will often cause the toxic person to escalate the behavior in an effort to reassert control. The nontoxic person needs to make it clear that those boundaries are a requirement for the relationship to continue. If the toxic person persists, the other person needs to be prepared to end the relationship. In adult parent-child or sibling situations where permanent separation is not possible or desirable, it may be necessary to severely limit contact. Teens and children in toxic relationships with family or others should seek the help of a trusted adult for guidance.
Experts stress that leaving the relationship immediately is essential in cases where physical violence exists or is threatened. Reaching out to a trusted friend or family member or to an abuse hotline is essential in these cases. Experts also note that if a person’s friends or family express concerns about the toxic nature of a relationship, it is best to take those concerns seriously.
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