Triangular Theory of Love

The triangular theory of love is a psychological theory that names the three key components of love—intimacy, passion, and commitment—and identifies how these components work together to form the eight most common types of relationships. Researchers in social psychology apply the theory to understand how and why relationships either succeed or fail in the long term and how they continue to change and evolve based on the presence or absence of the three components. The primary goal in applying the theory is to allow a therapist or individual in a relationship to identify where one of the components is absent or weak to take some action to strengthen it and thereby improve or better understand the relationship.

Background

First presented in 1986 by psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, the triangular theory of love attempts to identify the three key components that make up the concept of love itself. Sternberg named these components intimacy, passion, and commitment and then identified eight types of love, all of which include one or more of the three key components. This theory is often depicted using the image of a triangle, with intimacy at the top of the triangle and passion and commitment at the bottom two points. Intimacy, as Sternberg defined it, includes feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness; passion is based on the drives that lead to physical attraction, romance, arousal, and sex; and commitment as the decisions—both initially and in the long term—to love another person and to maintain that feeling of love. Sternberg theorized that as these three components interact in a relationship—with one component perhaps becoming stronger, weaker, or nonexistent—the type and quality of the love and its experience will change.

Overview

In its application, Sternberg's theory identifies and names the eight types of love that people may experience in relationships. The first three types of love that come out of the triangle involve only one of the components or one side of the triangle. Friendship, for example, requires intimacy but not passion or commitment. In contrast, infatuation involves passion without intimacy or commitment—such as a brief romance or "love at first sight." Finally, empty love is a relationship based only on commitment, lacking intimacy and passion. Long-term committed relationships may occasionally fall into the empty love category; arranged marriages may begin this way.

The next set of relationship types involves two of the categories. As defined by Sternberg, romantic love involves intimacy and passion without commitment, such as a new budding romance. This type is prevalent among younger people, although it may occur at any age and may eventually develop commitment. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment without passion. Companionate love is another common occurrence in long-term relationships where a couple may remain committed to each other and feel very close but no longer desire or experience physical intimacy. However, many couples remain very satisfied with companionate love. Finally, fantasy love, also called fatuous love, includes passion and commitment without intimacy. In this scenario, the couple has the desire and the will to be in love. However, they often do not share many everyday experiences or interests and, as a result, do not experience the friendship that comes with intimacy. Whirlwind relationships—even marriages that seem to happen quickly—may fall into the fatuous love category.

Finally, two types of love involve all three components. The first is non-love, which is lacking all three elements. Acquaintances fall into this category. Conversely, when all three sides are present, Sternberg refers to this as complete or consummate love. This is the ideal type of relationship in which a couple experiences friendship, physical intimacy and desire, and long-term commitment. As relationships evolve and change over time, however, they may grow into consummate love or fade out of love. Sternberg argues that couples must continue to put effort into each of the three components to maintain the relationship; it is more challenging to maintain a consummate love relationship than to develop one initially.

The triangular theory of love is also used to explore other facets of relationships, such as to analyze how different attachment styles influence the presence or absence of one of the key components of love in a relationship. For instance, research has shown that a person with a secure attachment style experiences greater levels of intimacy in a relationship. In contrast, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style tend to experience the least intimacy. The other two components—passion and commitment—seem less influenced by an individual's attachment style. The different types of love are also analyzed from a neurobiological perspective to understand better how love influences brain chemicals, such as cortisol. Studies have shown that in the early stages of romantic love, for example, less cortisol is released into the body, lowering the stress response.

In addition, Sternberg's theory is used to conduct marketing research into people's responses to and relationships with particular brands, referred to in the industry as "brand love." Understanding how people form relationships with certain brands and what types of feelings these relationships generate is critical for marketers to understand the best ways to sell their products.

Sternberg has continued researching his triangular theory of love, developing two new theories. His theory of love as a story argues that people contextualize their relationships based on their conceptions of love stories, whether from their own experiences or stories they have seen or heard. People whose stories complement each other tend to be more likely to form relationships. Examples of common love stories may include fantasy stories (such as the rescue by a knight in shining armor); business, in which relationships are treated as mutually beneficial business propositions; or mystery, in which an individual attempts not to reveal too much of themself to keep his partner guessing. The second theory that Sternberg developed is called the duplex theory of love, combining the triangular theory with love as a story theory.

The triangular theory of love is still widely used to comprehend relationship dynamics in the twenty-first century. However, modern studies have extended its scope of use. A study conducted in 2024 amidst the COVID-19 pandemic focusing on long-distance relationships explored the correlation between the theory and relationship satisfaction. The findings indicated that intimacy, along with passion and commitment, played a role in predicting relationship satisfaction with intimacy being the most influential. This highlights how the theory remains applicable in examining contemporary relationship hurdles and situations.

Bibliography

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Langner, Tobias, et al. "Is It Really Love? A Comparative Investigation of the Emotional Nature of Brand and Interpersonal Love." Psychology & Marketing, vol. 32, no. 6, June 2015, pp. 624-34.

Singla, Rashmi. "Exploring Intimacy and Distance: A Theoretical Framework." Living Apart Together Transnationally (LATT) Couples: Promoting Mental Health and Intimacy, Springer, 2024, pp. 15-31.

Sternberg, Robert J.. "Duplex Theory of Love: Triangular Theory of Love and Theory of Love as a Story." RobertJSternberg.com, robertjsternberg.com/love/. Accessed 21 Nov. 2024.

Sternberg, Robert J. "A Triangular Theory of Love." Psychological Review, vol. 93, no. 2, 1986, pp. 119-35.

Weisman, Omri, et al. "Early Stage Romantic Love Is Associated with Reduced Daily Cortisol Production." Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology, vol. 1, no. 1, Mar. 2015, pp. 41-53.