Etiquette

Etiquette is a code of behavior or a set of conventional requirements that influence expectations for behavior in a particular social class, group, or community.

Etiquette implies a sense of decorum or propriety and observance of polite behavior in a society. The rules of etiquette were never really formally recorded but rather were passed along from generation to generation and were standardized along the way. The concepts inherent in a particular etiquette rarely undergo change and although tweaked from time to time, they are still considered to be part of the specific manner of behavior required by good breeding or a procedure recommended to be followed under certain circumstances.

In a narrower context, etiquette is a code of ethical behavior regarding professional practice among the members of a profession in their relations with each other—such as medical etiquette.

Brief History

The first mention of etiquette and the lessons therein are believed to go back to medieval times when knights and nobles were taught how to conduct themselves in the king’s court. This is where the concepts of "courtly" and "courtesy" come from. In his book on manners, "The Civilizing Process," sociologist Norbert Elias discussed how warring knights in the eleventh and twelfth centuries tried to curry favor with European kings by being overly subservient. According to Elias, the concept of courtesy can be traced from aristocrats dealing with the court to the elite bourgeoisie dealing with the aristocrats; from there it can be traced from the elite bourgeoisie to the rest of the middle class.

According to historian Barbara Tuchman, the predominant trend in medieval culture was for Europeans to behave with inhibited compulsions and to take into consideration other people’s thoughts and feelings. It was a culture of honor and of dignity with a willingness to control one’s emotions. However, even during this period, men in coveted positions were allowed at times to behave like children—to act impulsively and to conduct themselves without any physical or psychic restraints.

In the fifteenth century, Desiderius Erasmus and other leading philosophers wrote etiquette manuals that were widely circulated; they covered a wide variety of dos and don’ts that seem totally irrelevant today. Some examples include: don’t use the tablecloth to blow your nose, don’t act like a peasant; don’t use your handy personal knife to put food into your mouth, and other examples of polite behavior.

Emily Post (1873–1960) was one of the first philosphers to offer etiquette as a way of living. She believed that manners were the manifestation of a person’s attitude toward life and an expression of that individual’s innate character. Post wrote a daily newspaper column—and later a series of books—that offered thousands of tips on all manner of life—wedding and party planning, table settings, polite behavior at the dinner table (always pass the peppermill along with the salt seller; they are like a little couple—you never want to separate them), tips on corresponding (always RSVP immediately upon receiving an invitation), proper eating habits, and all types of behavior in both public and private settings (pointing at an object is permissible; pointing at a person is not). Some of her advice included chewing with a closed mouth; not speaking with a mouth full of food; keeping elbows off the table while eating; washing hands after going to the restroom, and other instructions that have stood the test of time.

British finishing schools popped up during this period, and young girls from well-to-do homes were taught the correct manner of speaking, walking, eating, greeting others, and living a life filled with good manners and proper etiquette.

Etiquette Today

Etiquette may mean different things to different people, but generally speaking, it refers to the use of accepted behavior appropriate to a person of good upbringing. Other words used to describe etiquette are decorum, propriety, or established conventions of morals and good taste. Etiquette is often equated with manners, but there are some differences.

Essentially, the primary distinction between etiquette and manners is that the former includes specific rules of conduct, while the latter is more generalized. Both etiquette and manners are highly appreciated in one’s society. However, although both concepts cover rules of behavior, they call for different types of skills. They also differ from culture to culture since any standard of conduct is based heavily on cultural heritage and tradition.

Manners are part of polite behavior. Parents and schools try to impart good manners to children from an early age, and as the child develops, he or she internalizes the accepted conduct, and it becomes part of behavior and personality. Children learn, for example, that it is impolite to stare at someone, to say please and thank you, and how to behave in a variety of situations. Manners are easily accepted when they are taught at a young age.

While manners involve general guidelines for behavior, such as treating the elderly with consideration and respect, etiquette is a specific code of behavior sometimes regarded as elitist or exaggeratedly refined. Most of the rules of etiquette are practiced by people who display good manners, and this is a reflection of their cultured and proper upbringing. Formal training in etiquette can be obtained through finishing schools, in which a teacher instructs people in the rules of etiquette, or by reading books that deal with etiquette and manners in particular societies.

Besides a full line of social etiquette requirements, over the years other forms of etiquette have evolved, including business etiquette. Business etiquette includes the dos and don’ts of office behavior; training in proper conduct has become an important adjunct to a person’s personal skills. How to conduct oneself in a meeting, when corresponding, or waiting for a cup of coffee at the espresso machine, on a business trip, at a business social get-together or at an important business meal, proper manners are essential. An individual’s professional success often hinges on his or her appropriate demeanor. Business etiquette training has become exceedingly important as it impacts directly a person’s ability to impart confidence and trust to bosses, clients, and colleagues.

"Proper" etiquette these days has lost much of its original rigidity, and there are few people who follow the stringent rules of dining and socializing set down by Emily Post. Today’s list of acceptable etiquette revolves around areas of behavior that did not exist at the time of Post’s recommendations such as proper driving habits, using a mobile phone, polite airplane travel, using cameras and videos, acceptable use of social media, bringing your pet to a social event, and more timely areas of one’s life.

Bibliography

Asghar, Rob. "27 Etiquette Rules for our Times." Forbes. Forbes Media LLC, 22 April 2014. Web. 6 June 2016.

"Business Seminars." The Emily Post Institute. The Emily Post Institute, Inc., 2016. Web. 6 June 2016.

"Difference Between Etiquette and Manners." Difference Between.com. Diference Between, 8 March 2015. Web. 6 June 2016.

Grossbart, Sarah. "10 Etiquette Rules You're Probably Breaking." Mental‗Floss. Mental Floss, 2016. Web. 13 June 2016.

Hanson, William. "Why Etiquette Is a Very British Problem." The Telegraph. Telegraph Media Group Ltd., 2016. Web. 6 June 2016.

Post, Emily. "Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home." Bartelby. com. Bartelby.com, 1999. Web. 6 June 2016.

"Rules of Etiquette." Elegant Woman. Elegant Woman. Org., n.d. Web. 13 June 2016.

"What is the Difference Between Etiquette and Manners? Wise Geek. Conjecture Corporation, 2016. Web. 6 June 2016.