Internet Dating

Abstract

This article clarifies issues surrounding the phenomenon of Internet dating. These issues will be examined in a review of present literature referencing Internet dating. Sociological issues that potentially impact Internet dating include social capital and social support. These two sociological concepts will be discussed. A conclusion is offered that details implications for further research.

Overview

Internet dating can be traced to the mid-1960s, when early computers were used to match individuals by comparing questionnaire data. Using a computer to bring humans together was promoted as "scientific," and using computers for this purpose rapidly gained popularity in the United States and Germany (Hardey, 2002, p. 571). The rapid expansion of single person households, especially among professional classes who were most likely to have Internet access in their homes, provided a context for this phenomenon. Internet dating itself can be characterized by a "seamless movement between reading descriptions, writing responses, and exchanging messages. Compared to the effort, awkwardness, risks, and physical embarrassments associated with 'real world' dating, the Internet can provide some advantages" (Hardey, 2002, p. 572).

Marked by constant change, postmodern society now "infiltrates every sphere of social life" (Morgado, 1996, p. 44). One such developing interest is the way humans create and re-create their identities. An individual's identity is defined as the "cognitive and affective understanding of who and what we are" (Schouten, 1991, p. 413). According to the symbolic interactionist perspective, one part of the understanding of who or what we are is based on "reflexive evaluation" (Solomon, 1983, p. 321), which can be defined as the way "we believe that others see us" (Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005, p. 735).

Additionally, individuals use their behavior in online contexts to modify their identities. Research conducted by Schau and Gilly (2003) demonstrated that consumers utilize personal website postings to learn about themselves and communicate aspects of their identities to others. Moreover, "if identity is truly a social phenomenon as intimated by the symbolic interactionist perspective (Blumer, 1969; Cooley, 1902; Mead, 1934), then feedback from others would be an important part of the identity creation and re-creation process" (Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005, p. 736). Within the realm of Internet dating, additional research should be conducted on ways individuals choose to re-frame their identities in light of the potentially artificial environment that dating anonymously might elicit.

Virtual & Physical Reality. Previously conducted research has suggested that virtual reality is enveloped within physical reality. This research subsequently pointed out that an individual's online experience influences their offline identity (Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005, p. 736). Particularly on Internet dating sites, individuals create profiles of themselves that contain information about their physical appearance, demographics, and personality characteristics. The use of these profiles theoretically allows individuals to explore and re-create their personal identities. The high level of anonymity that the Internet allows as compared to face-to-face encounters offers individuals the opportunity to showcase elements of their personalities or self-perceptions they may not ordinarily present in person (Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005). Furthermore, the anonymity that Internet dating offers may enable individuals to effectively lie about themselves, and exaggerate specific characteristics they would like to possess or may have the potential to possess in the future (Mantovani, 1995; Riva & Galimberti, 1997) (Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005).

Presenting Selves. In order to better understand human perception and Internet dating, it might also be necessary to understand the components of identity, because each of these components factor into how individuals present themselves. Self-conception can be potentially divided into categories. The first category can be described as "now selves." Now selves "describe the self as it presently is perceived by the individual." Another potential category is "possible selves." Possible selves are "images of the self that have not yet been realized but that are hoped for or feared (Markus & Nurius, 1986, p. 957, cited in Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005, p. 737). Markus and Nurius (1986) demonstrated that possible selves play an important role in the identity re-creation process. The notion of possible selves can be used to better understand ways that "cognitive bridges between the present and the future, specifying how individuals may change from how they are now to what they will become" (p. 961, cited in Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005, p. 737). Moreover, Wurf and Markus (1991) predicted that the re-construction of identity "involves a multi-step process of development, validation, and redevelopment" (cited in Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005, p. 738).

The context of Internet dating offers individuals opportunities to explore their possible selves online and offline and at the same time; Internet dating allows individuals to use a combination of online and offline behavior and feedback to re-create their identities. In fact, several dating services encourage participants to "'update' their profiles to reflect personal changes that have occurred since they first posted their profiles" (Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, & McCable, 2005, p. 739). Starling (2000) reported, "It's easy to make up an identity in cyberspace. People can send you phony pictures and conjure fascinating lives." One woman she interviewed indicated, "You have people out there pretending to be one thing when they are something else" (p. 50). Before embarking on the Internet dating field, additional research again should be considered into potential dates and their backgrounds.

Hollander (2004) suggested, 'Nagging questions remain, in particular, why such fine human beings must invest so much time and energy in the search for suitable partners? Are these self presentations largely wishful fantasies, or exaggerations of traits possessed" (p. 75). Further, Hollander (2004) indicated that "implausible self-presentations are attention getting efforts, overselling oneself is a response to keen competition for partners not easy to locate" (p. 75). More dramatically, Hollander (2004) indicated that the human need to oversell "reflects the pressures of a competitive culture and a competitive market place of personal relationships…especially [among] older women who are even more often without partners" (p. 75).

Advantages of Internet Dating. According to the Pew Research Center, by 2016, 15 percent of American adults had used online dating sites or mobile dating applications, and 5 percent of married adults or those in a committed relationship reported that they met their partner online (Smith & Anderson, 2016), but by early 2023, around 30 percent of American adults had tried an Internet site or app. Further, of those who had never been married, 52 percent reported experiencing Internet dating, while 46 percent of those who were living with their partner reported use (Vogels, 2023). This increase in use indicates a rise in acceptance of online dating, likely, because there are many benefits to consider.

Online dating is relatively unexplored with accompanying social and personal ramifications that are largely unknown and not understood by social science (Hollander, 2002). Starling (2000) indicated that despite the unknown factors, "online dating, with all its joys and dangers," has become a popular way for many people to connect through sites specifically geared to meet the needs of specific social groups and individuals (p. 46). Despite the lack of empirical data, research in the early 2020s allows some perspective on the benefits of online dating.

The Internet is giving romance a different perspective. "Instead of hooking up in nightclubs and gyms, Black singles also can meet interesting prospects without leaving home. On the Internet, the world becomes your meeting ground" (Starling, 2000, p. 48). Individuals can connect through online personals, or find their soulmate by chatting in topic rooms about the Harlem Renaissance or urban renewal. Moreover, some prospective dates choose to send "virtual flowers and electronic greeting cards" (p. 48). One 41-year-old mother of two girls stated: "I wouldn't give out my identity or my phone number right away. Take it slowly and chat with them for a while and get a sense of their personality and their true self" (p. 50). Several individuals indicated the use of reasonable caution as a means of self-protection. Americans were split on this issue of safety and online dating, with 60 percent of users in favor of companies requiring individuals to undergo a background check before creating a profile. It is also noteworthy that, of those surveyed, about half reported encountering someone they believed to be a scammer on a dating platform (Vogels, 2023).

Hardey (2002) indicated that one of the most important aspects of Internet dating is the wide variety of ways that needs are met. Dating sites dedicated to individuals with disabilities, members of ethnic communities, individuals seeking casual relationships, individuals with unusual sexual interests, and sites dedicated to religious preferences and diet offer a deviation from typical sites operating within the heterosexual market often advertising their services in terms of "finding a soul mate" either leading to marriage or cohabitation. Internet dating itself operates in stark contrast to traditional approaches to love and marriage (p. 574). By 2023, about 42 percent of those who dated online reported using the platform made their search for a long-term partner easier (Vogels, E. & McClain, C., 2023).

According to Bataille (1962), intimacy associated with the kind of relationship associated with Internet dating “involves the maintenance of clear personal boundaries, rather than an absorption into the other” (Hardy, 2000, p. 574). The consequent vision of this modern intimacy is "based on talk rather than passion, negotiation rather than commitment, and the advancement of self rather than the development of the couple all which suggests that the Internet is uniquely enabled to facilitate this kind of liaison" (Hardey, 2000, p. 574). Moreover, once a user has made contact with another member in an Internet dating site, a decision is required as to whether to enter into an "exchange of messages or to ignore the invitation. Many users express that this choice allows them a greater sense of control, which some individuals describe as "liberating" them from what may be a source of embarrassment off-line" (p. 576). The intimacy issue associated with online dating continued in the early 2020s, as one of the main complaints users reported was the lack of personal intimacy online dating offers compared to in-person experiences (Vogels, E. & McClain, C., 2023).

The users of Internet dating sites are purposed with the potential of translating virtual relationships into meetings between flesh and blood individuals (Hardey, 2002, p. 579). Hollander (2004) indicated that communication of intimate personal needs via "terse advertisements may promise to be a more rational and effective approach to mate-selection than those which used to prevail in modern Western societies" (p. 69). Internet dating makes it possible to thwart the frustration of meeting someone in person making judgments based on personal impressions, appearances, and chance. In choosing to date through the Internet, it has been advised that participants should clearly specify the kind of person they are and the type of person they are seeking. Moreover, potential Internet daters should "make clear that the centerpiece of [their] recreational interests are Bach cantatas and vacations in Mediterranean fishing villages rather than country music and bowling, which produce a better chance of meeting kindred spirits" (Hollander, 2004, p. 69). The Pew Research Center reported in 2016 that 66 percent of online daters had gone on a date with somebody they met using a website or mobile app (Smith & Anderson, 2016), and by 2019, that number rose to 77 percent.

Applications

The Sociological Impact of Internet Dating

Social Capital. From a sociological perspective, Internet dating might be viewed through two different lenses. First, Internet dating could be viewed through the concept of social capital. Social capital has been described as a characteristic of the relations between people. Through trust and reciprocity, social capital enables one to access the human, social, and cultural resources within a community or social network (Coleman, 1988). It can also be defined as, "Connections among individuals—social networks and norms of reciprocity and trust that arise from them" (Putnam, 2000). Bourdieu described social capital as both a quality and quantity of relationships; "first, the social relationship itself that allows individuals to claim access to resources possessed by their associates, and second, the amount and strength of these resources" (Portes, 1998, p. 4). In this understanding, "social capital is something possessed by individuals that gains its strength in the aggregate of social networks" (Seamen & Sweeting, 2004, p. 174). Social capital can also be viewed as having the potential to enhance the health of individuals and communities (Kawachi & Berkman, 2000). Multiple implications regarding social capital and Internet dating could be inferred from this definition, and further research in this area should be conducted in order to understand potential impacts.

Beaudoin and Tau (2007) indicated that approximately 28 percent use online support groups related to medical conditions and personal problems. For example, 58 percent of patients with cancer use the Internet as a source of cancer information and support. This type of Internet use leads to "increases in social support, community, and coping and decreases in loneliness, depression, and anxiety" (p. 587). According to ComScore Media Metrix, over "19% of Web surfers visited a dating site last October" (cited in Goldberg, 2003, p. 109). In the case of positive outcomes from Internet encounters, "potential benefits and increases of social capital were found. In the case of online support groups, social capital and social support increased, which led to subsequent positive health outcomes" (Beaudoin & Tao, 2007, p. 589). Certainly then, it could be concluded that in the case of Internet dating, in order for social capital to be an outcome, experiences should be positive, supportive, and authentic. Based on the potential positive outcome of increased social capital, increased social support may also result. Social support "involves advice and emotional reinforcement [and] is a behavioral outcome of social capital" (p. 589). Results from an additional study suggested that while the Internet may suggest a socially displacing effect, "it is also likely a source of new, qualitatively different social capital" (Williams, 2007, p. 398).

Adolescents & Internet Use. Another significant application of the Internet is the impact on adolescents. Adolescents use the Internet for multiple purposes, but one of the biggest applications is its use for communication. The applications adolescents use to further social relationships include email, instant messaging, blogs, and chat rooms (Boneva, Quinn, Kraut, Kiesler, & Shklovski, 2006; Craig, 2003; Gross, et al, 2002; Schiano, Chen, Ginsberg, Gretarsdottir, Huddleston, & Isaacs, 2002). In a national survey of adolescents, participants revealed that over 25 percent of Internet users had formed online friendships and 14 percent formed close friendships or romantic relationships (Wolak, Mitchell, & Finkelhor, 2002, p. 445). By 2014, the Pew Research Center reported that 57 percent of teens had made new friends online ("57 percent of teens," 2015). Research has further suggested that adolescent use of the Internet is associated with declines in well-being (Kraut et al., 1998), and accompanying weaker social ties (Kraut et al., 1998; Sanders, Field, Diego, & Kaplan, 2000). Regular Internet users reported lower levels of attachment to close friends (Mesch, 2001), and negative perceptions about the quality of family relationships (Mesch, 2003). These views are directly opposite to other views regarding positively reported social benefits. However, a study of adolescents' friendship networks revealed that the teens who had stable and active networks reported less loneliness, better moods, and more support from their friends (Degirmencioglu, 1995). Perhaps then, if similar applications could be made regarding Internet dating it could be true that Internet users with highly cohesive and interconnected friendship networks may benefit more from Internet dating than those who do not have a strong base of social support.

Issues

The issues with Internet dating are profound and still being researched. It is difficult to make guesses regarding potential benefits, negative attributes, or other impacts, because more research needs to be done in order to understand the phenomenon of Internet dating.

Yurchisin, Watchravesringkan, and McCabe (2005) indicated that individuals often used their profiles for "identity exploration and re-creation purposes," and many mentioned that they would rather try out "new features of their identities on the Internet as opposed to in the real world because the Internet afforded them some degree of anonymity that the real world did not." As a result, individuals indicated that "the anonymity of the Internet permitted each informant to include a combination of both now and possible selves in one profile" (p. 742). It is perhaps likely based on this information that caution is advised before fully engaging in the process of Internet dating.

Cost is another issue pertaining to Internet dating. In 2020, online dating revenue totaled US$602 million, and was only expected to rise. Goldberg (2004) indicated that most people sign up for a month at a time on a dating site. However, given that the average paying user stays with a dating site for four months, users should consider paying up front for three months at a time, and to cancel the membership rather than risk being billed monthly (p. 110). Most apps and sites offer a free version of their platform, but have upgrade options at a charge, such as notifications of profile visitors or increasing visibility in their area. By 2020, only 15 percent of online dating profiles were paid profiles (Dixon, 2023).

Conclusion

To understand the long-term impacts of Internet dating, sociologists must investigate the multiple aspects of this phenomenon as they evolve with technology. With future studies, determinations may be made concerning gender consequences, impacts on potential offspring resulting from Internet dating, and socioeconomic results, as the Internet has the potential to break through past social and socioeconomic barriers between individuals and groups in differing social groups. Research should be considered in all of these areas.

According to a 2013 survey conducted by the Pew Internet & American Life Project, 59 percent of Americans agreed that "online dating is a good way to meet people," an increase of 14 percent from 2005. In another report, published in February 2014, the Pew Internet & American Life Project found that, once a relationship is initiated, the Internet continues to play a major role in the dynamics and functioning of that relationship. According to the Pew report—though only 10 percent of married Internet users reported that it has a major impact on their relationship—21 percent of people in a committed relationship reported that they have grown closer with their partner thanks to Internet-mediated communication such as emailing or text messaging. The Internet plays a much more central role in relationships between younger adults, the study found. According to Pew, 45 percent of eighteen to twenty-nine-year-olds reported that the Internet has had an impact on their relationship.

Years later, Pew's data showed that 50 percent of Americans who used online dating were rather indifferent about their experience. They reported they believed dating apps and sites had neither a positive or negative influence on their dating experience and relationships. Of those who reported online dating had a positive influence on their dating life, the main reasons included expanded options, being able to evaluate a person before meeting them, and the ease of meeting people online. Alternatively, those who felt mostly negative about online dating's influence on their relationships noted dishonesty/misrepresentation and a lack of personal connection as their primary concerns (Anderson, 2020).

Terms & Concepts

Identity: The "cognitive and affective understanding of who and what we are."

Internet Dating: A process in which individuals create profiles of themselves that contain information about their physical appearance, demographics, and personality characteristics for the purpose of meeting, dating, and potentially marrying or entering into relationship with potentially suitable mates.

Social Capital: Connections among individuals—social networks and norms of reciprocity and trust that arise from them.

Social Support: "Involves advice and emotional reinforcement [and] is a behavioral outcome of social capital."

Symbolic Interactionist Perspective: According to the symbolic interactionist perspective, one part of the understanding of who or what we are is based on "reflexive evaluation," which can be defined as the way we believe that others see us.

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Vogels, E. (2023, February 24). About half of never-married Americans have used an online dating site or app. Pew Research Center. Retrieved June 20, 2023, from https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/24/the-never-been-married-are-biggest-users-of-online-dating

Vogels, E., & McClain, C. (2023, February 2). Key findings about online dating in the U.S.. Pew Research Center. Retrieved June 20, 2023, from https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s

Williams, D. (2007). The impact of time online: Social capital and cyberbalkanization. Cyber Psychology & Behavior, 10, 398–406. Retrieved August 3, 2008, from EBSCO online database Academic Search Premier: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=25536577&site=ehost-live

Wolak, J., Mitchell, K. J., & Finkelhor, D. (2003). Close online relationships in a national sample of adolescents. Adolescence, 37, 441–455. Retrieved August 3, 2008, from EBSCO online database Academic Search Premier: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=8520052&site=ehost-live

Wurf, E., & Markus, H. (1991). Possible selves and the psychology of personal growth. In D. J. Ozer, J. M. Healy, & A. J. Stewart (Eds.), Perspectives on personality, 3, 39–62. Jessica Kingsley.

Yurchisin, J., Watchraveringkan, K., & Brown-McCabe, D. (2005). An exploration of identity re-creation in the context of internet dating. Social Behavior and Personality, 33, 735–750. Retrieved August 3, 2008, from EBSCO online database Academic Search Premier: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=19164541&site=ehost-live

Zweig, J., Lachman, P., Yahner, J., & Dank, M. (2014). Correlates of cyber dating abuse among teens. Journal of Youth & Adolescence, 43, 1306–1321. Retrieved December 12, 2014, from EBSCO Online Database SocINDEX with Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=96856473

Suggested Reading

Gollwitzer, P. M. (1986). Striving for specific identities: The social reality of self-symbolizing. In R. Baumeister (Ed.), Public self and private self (pp. 143–159). Springer.

Leary, M. R., & Kowalski, R. M. (1995). Social anxiety. Guilford.

McWilliams, S., & Barrett, A. E. (2014). Online dating in middle and later life: Gendered expectations and experiences. Journal of Family Issues, 35, 411–436. Retrieved December 12, 2014, from EBSCO Online Database SocINDEX with Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=93390214

Rheingold, H. (1993). The virtual community: Homesteading on the electronic frontier. Harper & Row.

Sharabi, L. L., & Caughlin, J. P. (2017). What predicts first date success? A longitudinal study of modality switching in online dating. Personal Relationships, 24(2), 370–391. Retrieved January 8, 2018, from EBSCO Online Database Sociology Source Ultimate. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sxi&AN=123395897&site=ehost-live&scope=site

Slouka, M. (1995). War of the worlds: Cyberspace and the high-tech assault on reality. Basic.

Turkle, S. (1985). The second self. Simon & Schuster