Millennials and Fatherhood

Abstract

Millennials are the generation born in the early 1980s and reaching adulthood around the year 2000. millennials have been burdened with many stereotypes. They are supposedly shallow, self-centered, technology dependent. Millennial men, however, tend to value a work–life balance and express attitudes toward parenting that suggest that they place a high priority on correcting what they see as the mistakes of previous generations with regard to raising children. Millennial fathers and fathers-to-be tend to feel strongly that marriage and child care should both be egalitarian.

Overview

A strong majority of millennial fathers state that they feel very strongly that fathers should be as deeply involved in their children’s lives as mothers are, in both a practical and an emotional sense. While fathers in the past might get away with working nine to five, then coming home and relaxing in the den with a drink before asking their children about their homework and sending them to bed, millennial fathers expect more from themselves. They expect to have a deeper relationship with their children, spending time with them and listening to them, guiding and helping them. To make this possible, millennial fathers are committed to giving their family life a higher priority than their careers.

Past generations of fathers worked long hours throughout their offsprings’ childhood in an effort to get ahead at work and earn more money to support their families. Society assigned to men the role of family breadwinner, with occasional at-home duties such as doling out discipline and weekend recreation. The downside for men and their children was finding that their children had grown up when they weren’t looking (Thomas & Chiles, 2012). Growing up themselves, millennial men typically absorbed the traditional gender stereotypes and expectations attached to maleness, but unlike their fathers these men were outnumbered in college and regularly compete against women in the workplace. Coming of working age during the Great Recession, millennial men are less likely to see the employee-employer relationship as a safe or enduring one. They are, therefore, often caught between traditional gender expectations and new realities and conflicted about their identities as men (Yeazel, 2015).

Because parenting is unexplored territory for most millennial fathers, they rely heavily on communicating with each other via the Internet, as well as using their constant connection to the Internet to look up information about how they can meet the parenting goals they have set for themselves. Millennial fathers are "digital dads," who turn to the Internet for tips and tricks about parenting, products helpful in child rearing, and information about child development. They also stay connected with other parents on social media, coordinating activities for their kids such as play dates. The popularity of the website Fatherly.com shows the extent to which millennial attitudes toward fatherhood have spread throughout society.

Further Insights

The performance of millennial fathers up until this point has sometimes been criticized for falling short of the goals of life–work balance, egalitarian parenting roles, and hands-on involvement in child care. Some even accuse millennial fathers of hypocrisy on a generational scale. This is because millennial fathers have in many respects not yet achieved those things that they say they place a high value on. Even though most millennial dads say that they are dedicated to the proposition that husbands and wives should both prioritize family time over career advancement, when it comes down to making a decision to spend time at work or at home, so far most millennial fathers have chosen to spend extra time and energy on work rather than on children care.

Critics assert that from one perspective, this makes millennial fathers worse than their forebears, because it is worse to promise to do better and then to do poorly than it is to simply perform poorly. Millennials object to this interpretation, arguing that it is too soon to pass judgment on them as a generation, and that there are factors beyond their control that are interfering with millennials being able to achieve the goals they have set for themselves (Viner, 2013).

It has been observed that millennial fathers are still a work in progress, and society does not yet know what to make of them. On the one hand they are criticized as hypocrites, but at the same time they are also awarded praise bordering on the excessive for performing even the most basic of parenting tasks. Because previous generations of fathers saw the work of parenting as a series of tasks to be performed—changing diapers, feeding the baby, putting together the crib—rather than as an identity, and therefore treated it rather lightly, millennial fathers appear to be highly committed by comparison. Frequently, millennial fathers are referred to as "the greatest dad ever," or "father of the year," for no other reason than their willingness to care for their own children in ways that would garner no acknowledgement whatsoever if performed by the mother. This is because mothers are still expected by society to be excellent parents, while fathers who do so are seen as a pleasant surprise (Marsiglio, Roy & American Sociological Association, 2012).

Egalitarianism, though an ideal for many parents, is usually frustrated by societal as well as economic factors. Mothers continue to do most of the parenting and are perceived as the "default" parent, mediating fathers’ involvement with their children and making most of the decisions in regards to children’s care. Many millennial fathers feel ostracized, ignored, or intimidated in settings where mothers dominate, such as parks, day care, and organized "mommy and me" activities. Rather than consider their parenting role as "mothering," which can lead to feelings of emasculation and powerlessness, fathers often "masculinize" parental duties by employing terminology and problem solving strategies from traditionally male spheres of activity and involving their children in projects with which they have facility, such as repairs and hobbies, rather than traditionally feminine projects like cooking or shopping (Hauser, 2015).

Viewpoints

Millennial fathers have been criticized for continuing to devote the majority of their time to work, given a declared intention to put time with their families before everything else. This criticism ignores a number of factors that contribute to the situation and over which millennial fathers have no control. There are many situations in which a millennial father chooses to remain at work because his family needs the money he is earning. During the first decade and a half of the twenty-first century, real wages have failed to keep pace with inflation, meaning that families have a hard time making ends meet.

Men continue to earn more on average than women, even with the same training. When a husband and wife are dividing up responsibilities, it remains an undeniable truth that the man will probably earn more for working a given number of hours than the woman would for working the same number of hours. Thus, if the couple decides that the woman will work instead, it may very well mean that there will be less money for food, housing, utilities, and other expenses. This may be an ugly reality, but reality it remains, and it is not something that individual millennials can do very much to change, at least in the short term (Goldberg, 2014).

Another factor is that the culture of the typical workplace has not yet caught up with the aspirations millennial fathers have about taking time away from work to devote to their families. While options such as paternity leave for new fathers are more available than in the past, there often remain significant obstacles that prevent men from taking advantage of these options. In some fields, there is a subtle stigma attached to men who take time off from the fast track at work to raise their children. When these men return to work after a few weeks or months, those of their coworkers with whom they were on par before leaving have often made significant gains during their absence, receiving new responsibilities, making new contacts, and so forth. This is because employers, while making the benefit of paternity leave available, have for the most part not done anything to encourage people to use it (Shwalb, Shwalb & Lamb, 2013). Nevertheless, progressive companies find policies that support work–life balance are an important recruitment tool for attracting highly desirable talent (Ehrhart, Mayer, & Ziegert, 2012).

While female employees have long been perceived as less reliable once they have children—on the theory that they will be absent more often to attend a sick child or other child care duties, or that they may decide not to return from maternity leave at all—the opposite has traditionally been true for male employees. The "conventional wisdom" surrounding male employees who have children is that becoming parents makes them more responsible and more reliable, since they need to provide for their little ones by doing well at work, keeping their jobs, and continuing to earn money. Given the prevailing assumption that men are better workers after becoming parents, one might assume that employers would actively encourage male employees to become parents by incentivizing the use of paternity leave and similar benefits. Instead, paternity leave, where it is available at all, exists as a sort of passive benefit that one can make use of, if one is willing to pay the price (Inhorn, Chavkin, & Navarro, 2015). In many companies, taking advantage of paternity benefits is a declaration that one’s work is of secondary importance, and the employee is considered less dedicated or less serious about work and more likely to exhibit the behaviors that have long imposed a "glass ceiling" on women’s career advancement.

The working world of 2016 is far different from what it was even ten or fifteen years ago, when millennial fathers first began forming their ideas about what work–life balance should look like. Now, thanks to the advent of the Internet, constantly connected mobile computing and communications devices, and the globalization of the world economy, work is something that, for many people, never stops. It is not uncommon for corporations to have offices in every time zone, meaning that workers may be on call to respond to emergencies twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Working parents are often expected to bring work home in the evening and stay engaged with the office around the clock.

When millennial fathers formulated their beliefs about leaving their work life at the workplace, they did so at a time when the workplace had not begun to invade employees’ private lives through voicemail and conference calls, email, text messaging, and ubiquitous Internet access (Hamad, 2014). These factors make it more difficult remain out of reach of the workplace, enabling a parent to concentrate on home life, because the modern workplace is much more competitive than ever before and much more available than in the past (Smith, 2013).

One area in which millennial fathers have lived up to their reputation is that of marketing and spending. Whereas in the past it would have been considered unusual for a father to pay much attention to what brand of diapers is cheapest, or most comfortable, or most adapted to the needs of a particular child (because mothers made all purchasing decisions) now this is no longer the case. This means that companies are spending time and energy to craft their advertising to appeal not only to mothers but also to fathers, and are even developing products specifically for fathers. Companies that create products and services related in any way to parenting—particularly parenting of newborns and young children, who are seen as more fragile and less resilient and therefore in need of special gadgets and such—look on millennial fathers as a simple way to double their market share. This is because, in the minds of retailers, the fact that millennial fathers are hoping to take an equal role in child rearing means that there will be twice as many potential shoppers for baby gear in each household.

Interestingly, market research does show that millennial fathers have shopping habits that differ from those of millennial mothers (Roopnarine, 2015). Millennial fathers are much more likely to do their shopping using mobile devices, whether from home, from work, or at the point of purchase. It is not uncommon to see a millennial father in a store selling baby products, using his phone to look up product reviews, compare prices with other retailers, and even make purchases after having had a chance to try out products in person. Millennial dads tend to look for quality when they shop for baby products, rather than doing price comparisons or using coupons.

Millennial fathers consider that being involved in purchasing decisions for their children is an important part of their identity and a duty they need to fulfill. Failing to live up to this responsibility actually detracts from a millennial father’s status in his own eyes and those of his peers, in much the same way that financially responsible parents tend to look down on parents who do not pay child support. All in all, while millennial fatherhood may not yet have attained all of its aspirations, it does appear that progress has been made and that millennials of both genders are continuing to work on finding ways to make their ideals about parenting a permanent part of society (Merino, 2014).

Terms & Concepts

Digital Dads: Millennials are known for their heavy reliance on technology, particularly mobile devices such as smartphones and tablet computers, and for using the Internet as an information resource. Digital dads are millennial fathers who turn to the Internet for tips and tricks about parenting, products helpful in child rearing, and information about child development. They also stay connected with other parents on social media, coordinating activities for their kids such as play dates.

Egalitarian Parenting: An egalitarian parenting partnership is a goal aspired to by the vast majority of millennials, both men and women. Both partners ideally share equally in all tasks, without regard to gender stereotypes about "men’s work" and "women’s work."

Engaged Fatherhood: Millennial fathers are known for aspiring to be the "greatest dads ever," and toward this end they seek to be fully engaged with their children at all times. In previous generations, men were more likely to be detached and focused on their work. Millennial fathers seek not to "babysit" their own children but to be fully present as parents.

Fatherly.com: Fatherly is a website and online community for men to share information and connect with each other as they seek to learn how to be better, more engaged fathers. Its existence and popularity shows the extent to which Millennial attitudes toward fatherhood have spread throughout society.

Glass Ceiling: The glass ceiling is a metaphorical description of the invisible barrier women often encounter in the workforce, which prevents them from rising above a certain level in the organizational hierarchy. The glass ceiling is a set of traditional assumptions about what types of work are appropriate for women. Millennials of both genders reject the assumptions underlying the glass ceiling, at least in theory.

Paternity Leave: Paternity leave is time off from work taken by a father after the birth of his child. It is similar to the maternity leave taken by women after giving birth. Both maternity and paternity leave enable parents to care for their new child and bond with it. While maternity leave was widely seen as a natural option for women for much of the late twentieth century, the idea of men taking paternity leave is relatively new and is still seen as unusual or even inadvisable at many workplaces. Millennial fathers make use of paternity leave in much greater numbers than previous generations of fathers have.

Bibliography

Ehrhart, K. H., Mayer, D. M., & Ziegert, J. C. (2012). Web-based recruitment in the millennial generation: Work–life balance, website usability, and organizational attraction. European Journal of Work & Organizational Psychology, 21(6), 850–874. Retrieved January 3, 2016 from EBSCO Online Database SocINDEX Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=83165727&site=ehost-live

Goldberg, W. A. (2014). Father time: The social clock and the timing of fatherhood. New York, NY: Palgrave Macmillan.

Hamad, H. (2014). Postfeminism and paternity in contemporary U.S. film: Framing fatherhood. London, UK: Routledge.

Hauser, O. (2015). Maintaining boundaries: Masculinizing fatherhood in the feminine province of parenting. Qualitative Sociology Review, 11(3), 84–104. Retrieved January 3, 2016 from EBSCO Online Database SocINDEX Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=108615680&site=ehost-live

Inhorn, M. C., Chavkin, W., & Navarro, J.-A. (2015). Globalized fatherhood. New York, NY: Berghahn.

Marsiglio, W., Roy, K., & American Sociological Association. (2012). Nurturing dads: Social initiatives for contemporary fatherhood. New York, NY: Russell Sage Foundation.

Merino, N. (2014). Gender roles. Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press.

Roopnarine, J. L. (2015). Fathers across cultures: The importance, roles, and diverse practices of dads. Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger.

Shwalb, D. W., Shwalb, B. J., & Lamb, M. E. (2013). Fathers in cultural context. New York, NY: Psychology Press.

Smith, H. (2013). Men on strike: Why men are boycotting marriage, fatherhood, and the American dream—and why it matters. New York, NY: Encounter Books.

Thomas, E., & Chiles, N. (2012). Fatherhood: Rising to the ultimate challenge. New York, NY: New American Library.

Viner, B. (2013). The good, the dad and the ugly: The trials of fatherhood. London, UK: Simon & Schuster.

Yeazel, M. R. (2015). Your millennial toolbox: Developing culturally competent strategies for psychotherapy with men. Journal of Men's Studies, 23(2), 226–237. Retrieved January 3, 2016 from EBSCO Online Database SocINDEX Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=103090033&site=ehost-live

Suggested Reading

Buonocore, F., Russo, M., & Ferrara, M. (2015). Work–family conflict and job insecurity: Are workers from different generations experiencing true differences?. Community, Work & Family, 18(3), 299–316. Retrieved January 3, 2016 from EBSCO Online Database SocINDEX Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=103547355&site=ehost-live

Lerner, C. (2015). Parenting in the 2000s: learning from millennial moms and dads. Zero to Three, 36(2), 2–7.

Marron, M. B. (2015). New generations require changes beyond the digital. Journalism & Mass Communication Educator, 70(2), 123–124.

McCaffrey, P. (2013). Families: Traditional and new structures. Ipswich, MA: H.W. Wilson.

Odenweller, K. G., Booth-Butterfield, M., & Weber, K. (2014). Investigating helicopter parenting, family environments, and relational outcomes for millennials. Communication Studies, 65(4), 407–425.