Monogamy
Monogamy is defined as an exclusive romantic and sexual relationship between two individuals. Traditionally, in many Western cultures, this concept is closely associated with marriage between one man and one woman. However, approximately half of the world's cultures practice polygamy, allowing individuals to have multiple spouses. In modern contexts, especially the 20th century onwards, monogamy has evolved to describe committed relationships where partners agree not to date others.
The idea of romantic love as the foundation for marriage is a relatively recent development in Western societies, emerging in the late 18th century. While monogamy is often viewed as the ideal relationship model, some psychologists and sociologists question its practicality, suggesting that human tendencies toward infidelity may be rooted in our primate ancestry. There is a growing acceptance of consensually non-monogamous relationships, particularly among younger generations, with studies indicating that a significant portion of adults under thirty find open marriages acceptable.
This shift reflects a broader cultural conversation about relationship dynamics, revealing diverse perspectives on love, partnership, and fidelity.
On this Page
Subject Terms
Monogamy
Monogamy refers to an exclusive romantic and sexual relationship between two individuals. In the traditional anthropological sense of the term in the Western world, monogamy describes a marriage between one man and one woman. However, approximately half of the world’s cultures do allow polygamy, a form of marriage in which an individual is permitted to take multiple spouses. Almost always this consists of a husband taking multiple wives, although certain societies in the Himalayan region allow a woman to marry multiple men. In the twentieth century, Western psychologists and counselors began to use the term monogamy more generally, using it to describe a committed romantic relationship between two individuals who mutually agree to not date others.
Overview
Many people think of dating and romance as sources of personal happiness and fulfillment, yet the United States has one of the world’s highest divorce rates. The idea of romantic love as the primary basis for selecting a marriage partner is only a relatively recent cultural development in Western societies, dating to the late eighteenth century. The concept of “soul mates” and the belief that “love conquers all” have been heavily promoted in the mass media in the past hundred years and before that in many forms of literature. However, some psychologists and relationship counselors now question whether monogamy is the ideal form of a romantic relationship, with some claiming that it is impractical and unnatural.
In June 2013, sex columnist Dan Savage questioned the notion of sexual exclusivity between two romantic partners by suggesting that monogamy contradicts human nature. Anthropologists have documented that gibbons, a chimpanzee-like species, frequently engage in sexual intercourse with a variety of partners, and mutually-exclusive mating is very rare in the animal kingdom. Some speculate that human temptations toward cheating and marital infidelity, therefore, derive from our species’ primate roots. Savage argued in favor of long-term relationships with a single partner, but claimed that each individual should be free to seek romantic and/or sexual fulfillment outside their relationship for a little while if the relationship stagnates—so long as he or she is honest about it. Savage asserts that such an approach can serve to kick start a relationship.
A flurry of controversy followed Savage’s column. City University of New York professor Mark White wrote in Psychology Today that that the key value of monogamy is symbolic, rather than sexual, in nature because fidelity signifies a sacrifice that one partner is willing to make for another. Others cited religious reasons in defense of monogamy. However, Bell DePaulo, a professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, claims that the primary reason so many people are monogamous is because they are socialized into practicing it, thereby making monogamy a cultural, rather than natural, phenomenon. DePaulo notes that a small but growing number of Westerners are engaging in “consensually non-monogamous relationships” in which both partners are permitted to become involved with another partner. DePaulo criticizes mainstream society for promoting the idea that there is one standard and acceptable form of relationship and sexual behavior. A 2015 study led by Rafael Wlodarski of the University of Oxford found that humans possess two distinct phenotypes that may lead some to favor monogamy and others to be more promiscuous.
A study published in Current Opinion in Psychology in 2022 found that at least 5 percent of the population of North America was in a consensually non-monogamous relationship and felt there was little difference in the quality of their relationship compared to strictly monogamous couples. The percentage of young people who felt such relationships were acceptable was considerably high. According to the Pew Research Center, more than half of adults under thirty, 51 percent, felt that open marriages were acceptable. This percentage decreased with age; it dropped to 41 percent among those who were thirty to forty-nine, 26 percent among those ages fifty to sixty-four; and 15 percent among those sixty-five or older. Seventy percent of those over the age of sixty-five considered open marriages to be unacceptable.
Bibliography
DePaulo, Bella. “Are Monogamous Relationships Really Better?” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 20 Dec. 2012. Web. 2 Aug. 2013.
Goldstein, Melvyn C. “When Brothers Share a Wife: Among Tibetans, the Good Life Relegates Many Women to Spinsterhood.” Annual Editions: Anthropology 12/14. Ed. Elvio Angeloni. New York: McGraw, 2012, 80–84. Print.
Healy, Melissa. “Hormone May Help Protect Monogamous Relationships.” Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times. 13 Nov. 2012. Web. 1 Aug. 2013.
Laslocky, Meghan. “Face It: Monogamy Is Unnatural.” CNN.com. CNN, 21 June 2013. Web. 2 Aug. 2013.
McGuire, Ashley. "Monogamy: The Renegade Choice." Institute for Family Studies, 18 Jan. 2024, ifstudies.org/blog/monogamy-the-renegade-choice. Accessed 23 Dec. 2024.
Oppenheimer, Mark. “Married, with Infidelities.” New York Times Magazine 3 July 2011: MM22. Print.
Parker, Kim, and Rachel Minkin. "Views of Divorce and Open Marriages." Pew Research Center, 14 Sept. 2023, www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/09/14/views-of-divorce-and-open-marriages/. Accessed 23 Dec. 2024.
Preston, John. “Is Monogamy Making Us Miserable?” The Telegraph. Telegraph Media Group Ltd., 10 Sept. 2011. Web. 24 Aug. 2013.
Scoats, Ryan and Christine Campbell. "What Do We Know About Consensual Non-Monogamy?" Current Opinion in Psychology, vol. 28, Dec. 2022, doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101468. Accessed 23 Dec. 2024.
White, Mark. D. “Maybe It’s Just Me, But … ” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 3 July 2011. Web. 2 Aug. 2013.
Wlodarski, Rafael, John Manning, and R. I. M. Dunbar. "Stay or Stray? Evidence for Alternative Mating Strategy Phenotypes in Both Men and Women." Biology Letters 11.2 (2015). MEDLINE Complete. Web. 29 June 2015.
Young, Damon. “Yes, Monogamy IS Unnatural . . . and So Is Everything Else We Do.” Ebony. Ebony, Nov. 2012. Web. 1 August 2013.