Spousal Abuse

Spousal abuse is a pattern of domestic violence or abuse perpetrated by one spouse or intimate partner against another. Far from being an isolated problem or one associated with a small or disadvantaged group, it is a problem that cuts across race, age, gender, religion, socioeconomic status, and sexual orientation. One reason spousal abuse is so pervasive and difficult to stop is that it is typically part of a self-reinforcing cycle. From the perpetrator's perspective, being abusive stops (albeit inappropriately) the behavior of the victim that prompted the abuse and gives the abuser a feeling of power and control that they may not experience elsewhere. From the point of view of the victim, the cycle of abuse is difficult to break because the victim wants to believe that the abuser will change and that the abuse was a one-time event, rather than a repeating cycle. Further, experiencing abuse can make the victim feel powerless to help themselves and unable to break the cycle of abuse. There are ways, however, to get help for both the victims of marital abuse and for the abusers themselves. It is important to be aware of potential warning signs of abuse and to offer unconditional support to victims.

Keywords Battered Person; Battered Person Syndrome; Child Abuse; Cycle of Abuse; Domestic Violence; Financial Abuse; Learned Helplessness; Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); Physical Abuse; Psychological Abuse; Reinforcement; Sexual Abuse; Socialization; Socioeconomic Status; Spousal Abuse

Family & Relationships > Spousal Abuse

Overview

Spousal abuse, also known as intimate partner violence, can be defined as a pattern of domestic violence or abuse perpetrated by one spouse or intimate partner against another. Although it would be comforting to think that spousal abuse occurs in someone else's neighborhood, the truth is that spousal abuse does not appear to be restricted by race, age, gender, religion, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation. Further, spousal abuse has not been found to be a unique symptom of any particular mental illness or personality disorder (Waldo, 1987). According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), 41 percent of female respondents and 26 percent of male respondents reported experiencing "contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner and reported an intimate partner violence-related impact during their lifetime" (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2022). A significant proportion of first instances of such intimate partner violence occurred during the victim’s childhood or adolescence. In the US, nearly twenty people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner (National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, 2020).

Types of Abuse

The term spousal abuse often evokes the picture of a battered woman (a woman who is physically abused by her husband or intimate partner). However, intimate partner abuse can also occur against men (in both heterosexual or homosexual relationships) and does not necessarily involve physical violence. Typically, the general concept of abuse can be broken down into several subcategories. Physical abuse includes any physical behavior that is violent toward another person. Prime examples of physical abuse include assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint. However, physical abuse can also be less obvious or less extreme. For example, hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, and biting are also considered to be indicators of physical abuse. Physical abuse can also occur in the form of denial of medical or dental care to an intimate partner or forcing an intimate partner to use drugs or alcohol. In addition, spousal abuse includes sexual abuse, or the violation or exploitation of another person by sexual means. For adults, sexual abuse includes all nonconsensual sexual contact. Sexual abuse can occur even within a marital relationship. Examples of sexual abuse include marital rape, physical attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing someone to have sexual intercourse after an incident of physical violence, or treating someone in a sexually demeaning manner.

Psychological Abuse

Not all abuse involves inappropriate physical contact, however. Perhaps even more insidious is emotional or psychological abuse, or any verbal or other nonphysical behavior that is violent toward, demeaning to, or invasive of another person. Psychological abuse is the intentional infliction of mental or emotional anguish using threats, humiliation or shaming, emotional control, withholding of affection or financial support, or other verbal or nonverbal means. Examples of psychological abuse include intimidation, threats of harm to the person or those close to the victim, harm to pets, damage to property, or isolating the victim from their support network of family, friends, and work associates. Other examples of emotional or psychological abuse include attempts to undermine the victim's sense of self-worth or self-esteem, constantly criticizing the other victim, calling the victim names, or damaging the reputation of the victim with their children or other family members even after the relationship is over. Finally, abuse can also be financial in nature, comprising any behavior that financially harms another person such as the illegal or improper use of another person's funds, property, or other resources; making the victim financially dependent by maintaining total control over their financial resources; or withholding the victim's access to money.

Applications

Battered Person Syndrome

Spousal abuse has obvious serious ramifications for the victim's health and well-being. However, there are other ramifications of abuse as well. Battered person syndrome is a set of symptoms that define a pattern of maladaptive behavior in which some victims of abuse respond psychologically to physical spousal abuse and cannot break out of the cycle of abuse. Those who do not understand the emotional and psychological ramifications of spousal abuse have often wondered, for example, why battered persons do not just leave their abusive spouses.

However, within the abusive situation, many victims do not see that other options are available to them, or their abuser has threatened them with violent retaliation should the victim ever try to report or escape the abuse. Proponents of battered person syndrome posit that over time, some victims of abuse exhibit many of the symptoms of learned helplessness and post-traumatic stress disorder. Learned helplessness is a pattern of response to unpleasant situations in which an individual believes that he or she has no control. Based on past exposure to similar situations and the concomitant failure to escape from unpleasant consequences, the individual learns that he or she cannot control their environment and may, as a result, fail to take advantage of those control options that are available in future unpleasant situations. In the case of a victim of abuse, this may mean that the victim has learned over time that when she attempts to fight back or flee, her abuser responds with further violence. Over time, victims of abuse can grow to believe that they have no power to change their situation. This attitude may not change even in the face of being told of alternatives or of organizations that are willing and able to help break the cycle of abuse. Proponents of battered person syndrome also posit that some victims of abuse may exhibit many of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This is a "complex psychological disorder in which the affected person's memory, emotional responses, intellectual processes, and nervous system have all been disrupted by one or more traumatic experiences." Post-traumatic stress disorder is sometimes summarized as "a normal reaction to abnormal events." It is important to note, however, that not every abuse victim develops battered person syndrome: development of the syndrome depends at least in part on the severity and frequency of the abuse.

Cycle of Abuse

Another reason that some people do not break out of their abusive situation is because of the nature of the cycle of abuse. This theoretical framework is sometimes used to explain the persistence of battering relationships. The cycle of abuse is a series of three stages in the abusive relationship that repeat themselves continually:

• In the "honeymoon" phase, the abuser treats their partner lovingly, making it easy for the victim to believe that the abuser still loves them and that the abuser has truly mended their ways.
• In the "tension buildup" phase, the abuser begins to show symptoms of irritability and anger toward the victim. In this phase, the abuser may psychologically abuse the victim, telling them that they are worthless or otherwise making the victim feel incompetent and powerless.
• In the "violence" phase, physical abuse occurs. The cycle then repeats, with the abuser again showing remorse or acting lovingly toward the victim.

However, in virtually every case, the cycle will continue, and the abuser will repeat the escalating pattern of psychological and physical abuse. This reinforces the feelings of helplessness and powerlessness in the victim's mind, making it increasingly difficult to break out of the abusive relationship. As the abuse continues, the honeymoon phase tends to become increasingly shorter, and the tension buildup and violence phases tend to become increasingly longer. Further, although having an abuser arrested for their first abuse has been shown to be effective in preventing future incidents of violence, situations in which the abuser is punished by fines or imprisonment for the abuse may increase the stresses and resentment of the abuser and increase the likelihood of further abuse (Waldo, 1987).

The abused spouse is not the only victim of spousal abuse, however. The abusive spouse may also abuse other family members in a larger syndrome of domestic violence. This can occur in several ways. In some families, an abusive individual may not only direct their aggression toward their spouse or domestic partner but engages in child abuse as well. In another common domestic violence scenario, the perpetration of violence and abuse is sequentially performed by both parents. For example, a father might abuse the mother and the mother, in turn, might abuse her child. In still other situations, although only one parent abuses the other parent, both parents may abuse the child at the same time. In some families, there may just be a general pattern of marital violence with both parents abusing each other and the child, or both parents abusing each other and one parent abusing the child. As with the psychological impact of spousal abuse on the victim, the impact of domestic violence or spousal abuse on the child can have very long-lasting effects. For example, children who have been the victims of domestic violence may demonstrate more aggressive or oppositional behavior, may be the more likely to experience anxiety disorders or depressive symptoms, or have social problems or cognitive difficulties (Jouriles, McDonald, Slep, Heyman, & Garrido, 2008). Particularly in situations where the abused domestic partner does not break out of the cycle of abuse, the child may learn that being abusive is acceptable behavior in interpersonal relationships and either become an abuser themselves or be more willing to live as a victim within an abusive marriage or domestic partnership when he or she becomes an adult. For example, researchers found that the majority of abusive male domestic partners or spouses were themselves abused as children or witnesses to their parents’ marital abuse (Waldo, 1987).

Several hypotheses have been posited to explain the familial pattern of abuse that occurs from generation to generation. According to the dynamic perspective, witnessing or experiencing abuse as a child causes children not only to feel powerless to stop the abuse, but also to experience a reaction of rage that inhibits the development of ego strength and self-esteem that makes them more likely to become abusers themselves. On the other hand, learning theorists posit that children in abusive families are socialized to use abuse and violence themselves in their relationships. Instead of learning more appropriate assertive behavior (because assertiveness within an abusive family situation is typically punished), the child of an abusive marriage typically learns instead that violence is both an appropriate and effective way to exert one's authority. In adulthood, an abuser typically finds violence to be rewarding because it stops the behavior of the victim that brought about the abusive response and relieves the tension of a stressful situation. This, in turn, reinforces the pattern of abuse and makes it more likely to reoccur in the future. In addition, stopping the stressors of the victim's behavior by being abusive can give the abuser a feeling of power and control that they do not experience elsewhere in their life.

In addition to the battered spouse and the child who either is battered or observes and learns a pattern of abuse, the abuser is also a victim of the abusive family situation. Abusive spouses are typically trapped in a destructive pattern of behavior that not only affects their family members but also can result in negative consequences on their own mental health and adjustment. An abuser who is arrested typically undergoes a crisis when faced with a broken relationship with their spouse and children. The abuser's self-esteem (which typically is not high in the first place) is further reduced as the abuser is faced with being labeled as an abuser and being subjected to the humiliation of a trial. Although couples counseling is often not successful at this point because the spouse is still too angry or intimidated to be able to truly participate, group therapy has been found to be helpful in teaching abusers to learn to control their tempers, raise their self-esteem, and find more socially acceptable outlets for their frustrations.

Spouses who are victims of abuse can help stop the cycle of abuse by creating a safety plan and mapping out all possible escape routes from the home or other venues where the abuse typically occurs, determine where to go in case the abuse starts again (for example, to a friend or relative who will offer unconditional support, or to a hotel, shelter, or any other place where the victim will feel safe). Victims of abuse can also pack a survival kit (including cab fare; a change of clothing; extra house and car keys; a checkbook or credit cards; important legal documents, including separation agreements, protection orders, or documents showing jointly owned assets; address books; and other valuables) and either hide it in the home or leave it with a trusted friend, relative, or neighbor. Other strategies include starting an individual bank account, avoiding arguments with the abuser in places where there are potential weapons (e.g., kitchen knives, workroom tools) or that have no access to an outside door, and memorizing the telephone number for a domestic violence hotline. This plan should be implemented and reviewed regularly. If you suspect that a friend or family member is being abused, let them know that you are afraid for their safety and the safety of their children, that s/he deserves better than this situation, and let the victim know that you are ready to help whenever he or she decides that he or she wants to leave and needs help. You may also want to offer to help the victim develop a safety plan.

Conclusion

Spousal abuse is a pattern of domestic violence or abuse perpetrated by one spouse or intimate against another. Far from being an isolated problem, it is a problem that cuts across race, age, gender, religion, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation. One of the reasons is that it is so pervasive and so difficult to stop is that it is typically a self-reinforcing cycle. From the point of view of the perpetrator, being abusive stops (albeit inappropriately) the behavior of the victim that prompted the abuse as well as giving the abuser a feeling of power and control that they may not experience anywhere else in life. From the point of view of the victim, the cycle of abuse is difficult to break because the victim wants to believe that the abuser will change and that this is a one-time event, rather than a repeating cycle. Further, experiencing abuse can leave the survivor feeling powerless to help themselves and escape the cycle of abuse.

Another problem with abuse is that it can be insidious. Broken bones and bruises may be obvious to the rest of the world, but other types of abuse are not so easy to spot unless one has significant interaction with the couple. Abusers often do not abuse in public, and what may appear to be a minor insult or put down in public may, in actuality, be only the tip of the iceberg of spousal abuse. There are ways, however, to get help for both the victims of marital abuse and for the abusers themselves. It is important to be aware of potential warning signs of abuse and to offer unconditional support to victims.

Terms & Concepts

Battered Person: A person who is physically abused by their spouse or intimate partner (of either opposite sex or same sex).

Battered Person Syndrome: A set of symptoms defining a pattern of maladaptive behavior in which some battered persons respond psychologically to physical spousal abuse. Battered person syndrome may include elements of learned helplessness, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other symptoms. Not every battered person develops battered person syndrome: Development of the syndrome depends at least in part on the severity and frequency of the abuse. Battered person syndrome was formerly referred to as battered woman syndrome, but the term has been changed to reflect the fact that men may also be the victims of intimate partner abuse.

Child Abuse: Abuse of a child by a parent, guardian, or other caregiver. Child abuse can be physical, psychological, or sexual in nature and also includes situations of neglect.

Cycle of Abuse: A theoretical framework used to explain the persistence of battering relationships. In the first or "honeymoon" phase, the abuser treats their partner lovingly. In the second or "tension buildup" phase, the abuser begins to show symptoms of irritability and anger toward the victim. In the third or "violence" phase, physical abuse occurs. The cycle then repeats. As the abuse continues, the honeymoon phase tends to become increasingly shorter, and the tension buildup and violence phases tend to become increasingly longer. (Also referred to as "cycle of violence.")

Domestic Violence: Any action by one member of a family that causes physical harm to one or more members of their family. Domestic violence is typically an escalating pattern of violence by a spouse or intimate partner in which violence is used to express power and exert control over the other person.

Financial Abuse: Behavior that financially harms another person through the illegal or improper use of a person's funds, property, or other resources.

Learned Helplessness: A pattern of response to unpleasant situations over which an individual believes that he or she has no control. Based on past exposure to similar situations and the concomitant failure to escape from unpleasant consequences, the individual learns that he or she cannot control their environment and may, as a result, fail to take advantage of those control options that are available in future unpleasant situations (e.g., failure of a battered person to leave their abuser).

Physical Abuse: A physical behavior that is violent toward another person; includes assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): A complex psychological disorder in which the affected person's memory, emotional responses, intellectual processes, and nervous system are disrupted by one or more traumatic experiences.

Psychological Abuse: Verbal or other nonphysical behavior that is violent toward, demeaning to, or invasive of another person. Psychological abuse is the intentional infliction of mental or emotional anguish using threats, humiliation or shaming, emotional control, withholding of affection or financial support, or other verbal or nonverbal means. Psychological abuse is also called emotional abuse.

Reinforcement: An act, process, circumstance, or condition that increases the probability of a person repeating that behavior.

Sexual Abuse: The violation or exploitation of another person by sexual means. For adults, sexual abuse includes all nonconsensual sexual contact. Sexual abuse can arise in relationships of trust (between a caregiver and the person being cared for).

Socialization: The process by which individuals learn to differentiate between what the society regards as acceptable versus unacceptable behavior and to act in a manner that is appropriate for the needs of the society.

Socioeconomic Status (SES): The position of an individual or group on the two vectors of social and economic status and their combination. Factors contributing to socioeconomic status include (but are not limited to) income, type and prestige of occupation, place of residence, and educational attainment.

Spousal Abuse: A pattern of domestic violence or abuse perpetrated by one spouse or intimate partner against another.

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Suggested Reading

Berk, R. A., Campbell, A., Klap, R., & Western, B. (1992). A Bayesian analysis of the Colorado Springs spouse abuse experiment. Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology, 83, 170–200.

Dutton, D. G. (2000). Witnessing parental violence as a traumatic experience shaping the abusive personality. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma, 3, 59–67. Retrieved August 12, 2008, from EBSCO online database SocINDEX with Full Text: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=25233329&site=ehost-live.

Gannon, T. A., & Alleyne, E. A. (2013). Female sexual abusers’ cognition: A systematic review. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 14, 67–79. Retrieved January 15, 2015, from EBSCO online database SocINDEX with Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=84490640&site=ehost-live&scope=site

Henning, K., Renauer, B., & Holdford, R. (2006). Victim or offender? Heterogeneity among women arrested for intimate partner violence. Journal of Family Violence, 21, 351–368. Retrieved August 12, 2008, from EBSCO online database Academic Search Premier: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=23217769&site=ehost-live.

Nichols, W. C. (1986). Understanding family violence: An orientation for family therapists. Contemporary Family Therapy, 8, 188–207. Retrieved August 12, 2008, from EBSCO online database SocINDEX with Full Text: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=24727427&site=ehost-live.

Seltzer, J. A., & Kalmuss, D. (1988). Socialization and stress explanations of spouse abuse. Social Forces, 67, 473–491. Retrieved August 12, 2008, from EBSCO online database Academic Search Premier: http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=5285620&site=ehost-live.

Weissman, D. M. (2012). Law, social movements, and the political economy of domestic violence. Duke Journal of Gender, Law & Policy, 20, 221–254. Retrieved October 25, 2013, from EBSCO online database SocINDEX with Full Text. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=sih&AN=90307494