Self-disclosure

TYPE OF PSYCHOLOGY: Social psychology

SIGNIFICANCE: Self-disclosure is the process of revealing personal information during communication with others. Progress in self-disclosure depends on personal skills and interpersonal intimacy; appropriate self-disclosure is important in communicating effectively and maintaining healthy close relationships.

Introduction

Self-disclosure is the process of communicating personal information to another individual. It involves a willingness to reveal intimate thoughts and feelings rather than superficial or obvious characteristics. Scientists studying personal relationships have found that, as two people become acquainted and interact over time, they reveal more of themselves to each other. For example, when two people first know each other, their conversation may be limited to the weather, mutual interests, and similarly “safe” topics. The topics they discuss are neutral, and the feelings they express are matters of public knowledge. As their relationship develops, they feel comfortable disclosing more intimate feelings and experiences. Later in their friendship, their conversation may be entirely about their feelings, personal problems, and other experiences that are not public knowledge. Self-disclosure is the process by which communication in a relationship becomes more private and intimate.

The term “self-disclosure” was introduced by psychologist Sidney Jourard in his 1964 book The Transparent Self: Self-Disclosure and Well-Being. Early work by therapists and researchers speculated that self-disclosure is essential for the health and growth of personal relationships; however, not all self-disclosures serve to promote relationships. Disclosures can be distinguished as either appropriate or inappropriate. Healthy intimacy is promoted when one’s self-disclosure suits the time and the place as well as the relationship. When two people are close friends, for example, it is appropriate for them to reveal personal information or feelings to each other.

In contrast, confessing intimate feelings or confiding personal experiences to a stranger or mild acquaintance is often considered inappropriate. Personal revelations are often too intimate for those interactions. Such inappropriate self-disclosure may elicit withdrawal or rejection by others. Self-disclosure can also be inappropriate because it is not intimate enough. For example, if two long-time friends converse about their lives and one refuses to tell the other about a problem because it is somewhat personal, the other may feel rejected or slighted. Because of their history as friends, personal confidences are appropriate, while nondisclosure is not.

Levels of Communication

The quality of self-disclosure was considered in the 1973 book Social Penetration: The Development of Interpersonal Relationships, by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor. Altman and Taylor argued that, as a relationship develops, communication between partners increases in two qualities or dimensions: breadth and depth. Breadth increases before depth. Communication becomes broader as partners add more topic areas to their conversation. Eventually the two people’s communication also deepens: Their interaction becomes less superficial and more intimate. For example, two people whose early friendship is based on a common interest in music will discover other things in commongreater breadthas they communicate. Eventually, they not only talk about what they mutually enjoy but also confide in each other and help each other solve problemsgreater depth.

Altman and Taylor argue that most relationships develop in a more satisfactory way when self-disclosure proceeds (breadth before depth) over time. However, not all individuals conform to this model. For example, some persons are low revealers, unable to proceed to more personal levels of communication over time. Others are high revealers, indiscriminately disclosing too much to others, irrespective of the exact relationships or interactions between them. Disclosing too little prevents a relationship from becoming more intimate and may result in its termination. Disclosing too much signals intrusiveness rather than intimacy, and it usually causes others to withdraw rather than to respond with equal intimacy.

Healthy self-disclosure adheres to a norm of reciprocity—the expectation that partners will exchange disclosures, taking turns revealing similar levels of intimacy. For example, if one partner confides to the other, “I am worried that I might not succeed in reaching this goal,” the other can reciprocate by admitting similar feelings or understanding the fear of failure. It would not be reciprocal to change the subject or offer superficial reassurance such as, “I know you will do just fine.” Self-disclosure is risky, because it makes the revealer more vulnerable to the confidant’s rejection or ridicule. Reciprocal self-disclosure establishes trust, since partners are confiding on similar levels and their knowledge of each other is balanced.

As relationships develop, Altman has argued, immediate reciprocity becomes unnecessary, because trust has already been established. Thus, long-time friends can have nonreciprocal conversations without threatening their level of intimacy. In a particular interaction, one partner may confide while the other listens without reciprocating. They both know that their roles can be reversed in some future conversation.

Disclosure depends on the style as well as the content of communication. An individual may wish to discuss a personal problem or concern with a friend but not know how to express himself or herself effectively. The complaint, “Sometimes things can be very hard for a person to deal with,” is more vague and less disclosing than the statement, “I feel very frustrated and need help solving a problem.” In this example, the former disclosure is closed and impersonal while the latter is more open and personal. To be open and personal, self-disclosing statements should be relevant to the immediate situation, expressed in personal terms“I feel” rather than “People say”specifically addressed to the listener, clearly explanatory rather than vague or hinting, and specific rather than general.

Role in Relationships

Differences in patterns of self-disclosure can account for differences in relationship development, conflict, personal distress, and loneliness. Individual differences in self-disclosure—the fact that some people are high revealers and others low revealers—help explain why some relationships become more intimate while others never progress. For example, a low revealer may feel unable to reciprocate when a new friend confides a secret or problem. The nondiscloser may be unsure of the other’s response to a personal revelation, fearful of rejection, or unable to express himself or herself. The friend who has confided in the nondiscloser is left feeling unsatisfied or mistrustful by the lack of response and may discourage future interactions.

In contrast, a high revealer’s indiscriminate disclosures can offend others. Overdisclosing to a stranger can cause him or her to withdraw and terminate any further interaction. Even friends can be disturbed by a high revealer’s willingness to confide inappropriately to others besides themselves. Their own confidences in the overdiscloser may also seem to be at risk. Differences in people’s willingness and ability to engage in self-disclosure can affect the success and development of their relationships.

Research and theory on self-disclosure contribute to a larger body of work on communication in close relationships. The study of relationships combines the observations and perspectives of , sociology, counseling, and communication studies. Early work in this multidisciplinary field focused on how relationships begin, including motivations for affiliation and factors in interpersonal attraction. Researchers have since turned their attention to relationship development and maintenance, processes dependent on the quality and quantity of partners’ communication. Self-disclosure is a central goal of intimate communication. An understanding of self-disclosure and its role in developing and maintaining intimacy is essential to improving and stabilizing the significant relationships in people’s lives.

Exceptions to Self-Disclosure Rules

Two kinds of interactions may appear to violate the rules of developing self-disclosure: brief intimate encounters and love at first sight. In the first case, a brief interaction with a stranger involves unusually deep self-disclosure. Psychologist Zick Rubin has dubbed this the Fort Lauderdale phenomenon, for the Florida city that is a popular destination for spring vacation travel. A college student on vacation may feel less inhibited about self-disclosure with others encountered there, because he or she will not see any of these people again. Thus, high levels of self-disclosure are possible because no future relationship is anticipated.

In love at first sight, two people may become quickly and mutually attracted and communicate intimately with each other with the intention of maintaining their relationship in the future. Altman and Taylor warn, however, that the two individuals have no history of communication, so no trust has been established between them. The risk of conflict is high, and conflict is likely to be more destructive than if the relationship had been established more gradually. Thus, disclosing too much too fast can doom a relationship even when disclosure is reciprocal and when both partners have similar motives.

Role in Psychological Well-Being

The relationship between psychological adjustment and quantity or amount of self-disclosure has been explored by Valerian Derlega and Alan Chaikin in their 1975 book Sharing Intimacy: What We Reveal to Others and Why. Derlega and Chaikin suggest that adjustment is a curvilinear, or changing, function of self-disclosure, rather than a linear, or constant one. A person’s adjustment does not continually increase as the amount that he or she self-discloses increases. Initially, as self-disclosure increases from low to medium levels, adjustment also improves—up to a point. Beyond that optimal point, increasing from medium to high self-disclosure actually reduces psychological adjustment. In other words, disclosing too much can interfere with a person’s well-being and relationship success.

Self-disclosure is important to psychological well-being. Friends value being able to talk to and be themselves with each other. Intimacy involves more than being honest and revealing secrets, however; it is possible to express oneself about personal concerns without participating in an intimate relationship. For example, one may keep a diary or confide in a pet. There are also some relationships that have no expectation of reciprocity. A patient or client must describe personal experiences and feelings to a physician or psychotherapist without expecting him or her to respond in kind. In these contexts, it is helpful to be able to express oneself honestly without fear of rejection or criticism. Research evidence confirms that the process of articulating and confiding one’s concerns significantly helps in coping with stress and trauma. Diaries and professional relationships are not a substitute for real intimacy, however; genuine intimacy is an outcome of communication within relationships, not of one-sided expression. Confiding in others who are willing to listen is essential to gaining the benefits of social support.

Issues of Intimacy

Personal relationships are based on interdependence—the reliance of both parties on joint outcomes. Reciprocity in self-disclosure represents a mutual investment that builds such interdependence. Withholding a confidence at one extreme and overdisclosing at the other are both hindrances to satisfactory intimacy. People who fail to establish and maintain intimacy with others experience loneliness. Loneliness is defined as the experience of inadequate or insufficient relationships. People feel lonely when they have fewer relationships than are wanted or when existing relationships fail to meet their needs. A pattern of inappropriate or inexpressive self-disclosure can ultimately lead one to experience chronic loneliness.

Training in social skills may help those who suffer the consequences of unsatisfactory relationships or loneliness. Individuals could be taught, in or support groups, to modify their self-disclosure. Overdisclosers could become selective in choosing their confidants, and low revealers could learn how to express themselves more openly and personally. Like other relationship skills, self-disclosure requires motivation and competence but contributes to better communication and higher self-esteem.

Influences and Evolution of Study

Research on self-disclosure was influenced by the human potential movement of the 1960s and 1970s. Early theorists such as Jourard argued that it is important to be able to reveal aspects of oneself to a few significant others. Work by Altman and Taylor and by Derlega and Chaikin extended the concept of self-disclosure into the context of personal relationships and communication. Work conducted in the 1970s and 1980s explored the ways people choose topics and levels in disclosing to others. Self-disclosure has come to be regarded more as an aspect of interpersonal communication than of self-development. Whether a disclosure is appropriate depends on the relationship of the discloser to the listener and on the expectations of both individuals.

Altman and Taylor’s theory of social penetration recognizes that self-disclosure involves changes in both the quantity and quality of intimate communication. Later research has concentrated on identifying the qualities of appropriate and healthy communication. An understanding of how self-disclosure is developed and how it contributes to communication is important in the study of close relationships; identifying problems in self-disclosure can lead to solving those problems. Research on loneliness has led to the development of social-skills training programs. Similarly, self-disclosure skills can be improved with education based on an understanding of intimate communication.

Reasons for Self-Disclosing

A 2024 article in Psychology Today listed a number of reasons people consider when they choose to self-disclose, and also what information to divulge. Most of these had an element of self-benefit. For example, an individual may have decided to self-disclose if it helped achieve personal goals such as social acceptance and relief of distress. A second reason to share information was to achieve connectedness, a sense of belonging, and to spur the formation of relationships. In such cases there may have been an expectation of reciprocity where the self-disclosurer expected another to do likewise. A third consideration, risk, entailed a personal risk-benefit analysis to determine if disclosure was worth the risk of revealing potentially embarrassing information. Oftentimes, a person's decision to self-disclose was not based on a well-considered thought process but rather on impulse. An example was a person who spontaneously "vented" their emotions.

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