The Rules
"The Rules" is a self-help book published in February 1995 by authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, aimed at guiding women through the complexities of dating and relationships. It presents thirty-five specific strategies designed to help women attract and secure commitment from men, with a strong emphasis on traditional gender roles. Key strategies include maintaining an air of mystery, refraining from initiating contact, and not splitting expenses on dates. The book gained significant popularity, becoming a New York Times bestseller and inspiring numerous self-help groups dedicated to its principles.
Despite its commercial success, the book has faced criticism and controversy, particularly following Fein's divorce, which led some readers to question the effectiveness of its advice. The Rules has sold over two million copies and has been translated into twenty-seven languages, demonstrating its widespread influence. It also spawned additional publications and personal consultation services offered by the authors. Overall, The Rules offers a distinctive perspective on dating, reflective of its cultural context in the 1990s, while continuing to evoke discussions about gender dynamics in relationships.
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Subject Terms
The Rules
Identification Dating guidebook for heterosexual women
Authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
Date Published in 1995
Full of advice the two authors heard from their grandmothers, this self-help book was intended to help the 1990’s woman successfully attract a man who will propose marriage.
In February, 1995, two married women named Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider published a self-help book for women called The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, which offers thirty-five pieces of advice to the 1990’s American woman as she navigates the dating game. The book defines the kind of man that a “Rules Girl” should wed, a purpose illustrated on the front cover of the paperback edition with a picture of a large diamond engagement ring. The top five strategies to obtain this ring, and the promise of monogamy, are as follows: “Be a ’creature’ unlike any other,” “Don’t talk to a man first (and don’t ask him to dance),” “Don’t stare at men or talk too much,” “Don’t meet him halfway or go Dutch on a date,” and “Don’t call him and rarely return his calls.” Thirty more rules guide women through the entire dating process, including “Don’t expect a man to change or try to change him” and “Don’t discuss The Rules with your therapist,” as well as sections encouraging young women to consider plastic surgery and to continue following the rules even against their parents’ and friends’ advice.
Impact
After its publication, and with the help of the authors’ appearances on such shows as The Oprah Winfrey Show and 20/20, the dating and marriage guidebook quickly became a New York Timesbest seller. Simultaneously, groups of women worldwide began assembling themselves into self-help groups founded upon The Rules, and the authors offered personal consultations ranging from $50 to $250. The service became so popular that Fein and Schneider created a Web site for the book, where they market face-to-face, telephone, and e-mail consultations, as well as several spin-off publications, including The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By (1997). When Fein and Schneider announced the release of The Rules III: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work in 2001, Fein also announced her divorce; the publicity unfavorably affected many women’s faith in the book series. Nevertheless, The Rules has sold more than two million copies and has been published in twenty-seven languages.
Bibliography
Gerston, Jill. “So Many Rules, So Little Time.” The New York Times, October 23, 1996, p. C1.
Leo, John. “Rule 36: Ignore rules 1 through 35.” U.S. News & World Report, October 21, 1996, 38.
Walsh, Catherine. “The Rules Encourage Women to Take Responsibility for Their Lives and Not Be Victims in Romantic Relationships.” America 175, no. 16 (November 23, 1996): 9.