Controlling (psychology)
Controlling behaviors in psychology refer to actions that a person takes to exert power or influence over others, often resulting in emotional or physical harm. While not all controlling behaviors are inherently negative, excessive control can lead to detrimental effects on relationships, particularly in abusive contexts. Individuals who demonstrate controlling traits may rely on tactics like criticism, isolation, and invasions of privacy to manage their victims, which can erode the victim's self-esteem and independence. In familial situations, such as parenting, overly controlling behaviors can hinder a child's development, leading to dependence and low self-worth. Additionally, controlling individuals may exhibit passive-aggressive tendencies, expressing their dissatisfaction indirectly. Conversely, some level of control can be beneficial in certain environments, such as military or business settings, where leadership and organization are essential. Understanding the nuances of controlling behaviors can provide insights into relational dynamics and the psychological impact on those involved.
Controlling (psychology)
Controlling behaviors are those that elicit change in and power over others. While controlling behaviors are not always negative, overly controlling individuals can inflict emotional and sometimes physical harm on those around them. Overly controlling individuals may utilize a variety of tactics to make victims more susceptible to their demands, gradually wearing down the victims' resolve. In many cases, a controlling person may require therapy to learn to manage and change his or her negative behaviors.
Background
Throughout history, human beings have tried to control one another. They have committed atrocities to obtain control, such as engaging in war and ethnic cleansing. They have acted in ways that are racist and religiously intolerant. Control is often the core of an abusive relationship. One person is insecure and seeks to dominate and control the other.
Persuasion is a less-harmful and more common means of gaining control. Advertisers try to persuade viewers to purchase their products. Politicians try to convince people to support them and their beliefs. Parents try to convince children to believe as they believe and to do as they are told. The psychological term for the persuasive effect people have on one another is social influence. Conformity, such as dressing in a way that is perceived as popular, is an example of social influence. In most cases, social influence is harmless.
Overview
Controlling behaviors are those that give one person power over another. Psychologists believe a controlling person's actions are usually harmful to the victim, or the person being controlled. A controlling individual, such as a spouse or parent, may exert control by introducing a negative stimulus when the victim does something the controller does not like. The negative stimulus may be criticism, shaming, aggression, or even violence. Often, a controlling individual is insecure or overly anxious. He or she may act immaturely and lack self-respect.
Abusive Relationships
Control plays an important role in abusive relationships. In this type of relationship, controllers feel that they must have control or the victim will leave them. Because of this, they may try to isolate their victims. The controller realizes that friends and family members who have routine contact with the victim have the capacity to threaten his or her power. To avoid this, the controller finds ways to push others away from the victim. The controller may become extremely jealous or irate when the victim spends time with another person. This may cause the victim to conclude that interacting with someone other than the controller is dangerous or simply not worth the trouble.
Controlling individuals may constantly criticize their victims. While they may or may not mean what they say, the constant criticism serves to erode the victim's self-confidence and self-esteem. This makes the victim more accommodating to the controlling individual and less likely to stick up for him- or herself.
Routine denial of privacy is another common trait of overly controlling individuals. They may demand to see the victim's message logs, emails, and phone call logs. They may also spy on the victim, secretly gaining access to private information. Some even demand to know where the victim is at all times. When denied private information, overly controlling individuals may become extremely paranoid, causing them to make wild accusations. In these scenarios, the only way victims can prove their innocence is to give the controlling person whatever private information he or she seeks.
Parental Control
Parents can harm their children by exerting too much control over them. Making their children dependent upon them, invading their privacy, and constantly criticizing children are examples of negative parental control. Parents who are perfectionists and expect their children to be perfect also are controlling. These parents may indicate that their love is conditional and dependent upon certain behaviors. Such controlling behavior may cause children to suffer from low self-esteem and lifelong unhappiness. In contrast, children who have parents who are warm, caring, and responsive often have a high self-esteem. These parents foster independence in their children, rather than dependence.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior is another type of control. Such behavior is indirectly aggressive and utilizes subtle behaviors such as sarcasm, sulking, and procrastination. Passive-aggressive individuals often withdraw from arguments and not express their anger. They may use phrases such as "fine" and "whatever." They may give backhanded compliments such as "You look good for someone your age." Passive-aggressive people may comply with a request but procrastinate in completing it. Suppose you ask a child to clean her room and she says she will but then does not do it. When you ask why the room has not been cleaned, she may passive-aggressively respond, "I didn't know you meant I had to clean it now."
Neatness and Control
Psychologists believe that extremely neat individuals may be attempting to exert control over their environment. The ability to control where every object is in a person's immediate surroundings gives the person a sense of comfort. Having everything in its place lets them feel as if they control at least one portion of their lives. People who are excessively neat might insist on dressing perfectly even when running a small errand. They might seem obsessed with cleaning their house. They may excessively polish tables and vacuum floors. They cannot handle clutter and may criticize others for not maintaining the same household habits.
Positive Control
Sometimes, however, mild controlling behavior can be a beneficial trait in individuals. For example, people who like to be in control may thrive in the military, in law enforcement, or in business. People who enjoy being in control may be comfortable in command situations and are effective at managing a large number of people.
Bibliography
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