Polyamory

Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic partners at one time. Polyamory requires the knowledge and consent of other romantic partners. Polyamory includes having an open relationship, or a relationship in which each member is free to have romantic relationships outside the main relationship. Often, though, in polyamorous relationships, all romantic partners have equal or near equal status. Polyamory can be practiced by people of all genders and sexual orientations.

Background

Humans have been involved in non-monogamous relationships for much of recorded history, just as they have long engaged in monogamous relationships. While open polyamorous relationships are largely seen as a phenomenon of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, some groups helped pioneer the relationships before that time. During the 1840s in the United States, some women eschewed traditional monogamous roles. They believed the traditional monogamous relationships of the day were subjugating to women. They wanted to engage in relationships with more freedom. From the 1840s to the 1870s, a group in upstate New York experimented with an arrangement they called complex marriage. The group had approximately 300 members, and all the members were considered to be married to each other, so romantic and sexual relationships were allowed among any of the members. The leader of the group, John Noyes, had troubling beliefs about eugenics and incest, but his group expanded ideas about marriage, romance, and sexual relationships.

The twentieth century saw the loosening of sexual norms in the United States. Starting in the early 1900s, more feminists began to question the institution of marriage and the value of monogamous relationships. Swinging became popular in the United States in the 1950s and 60s. Swingers have open relationships and permit their partners to have sexual relationships with other people. Swingers are often couples who are married or have committed relationships. However, some swingers are single and have romantic and sexual relationships with couples. Swinging is not as popular in the United States as it once was, but it is still practiced and still creates many polyamorous relationships.

Swinging and other changing sexual norms helped pave the way for the modern polyamory movement. Although ideas about polyamory had been developing throughout the twentieth century, some researchers believe the term polyamory was coined by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart in 1990. The book Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy was published in 1997. This book became an important text for people in polyamorous relationships. The book also opened the world of polyamory to more people. A later edition of the book was called Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures.

Overview

Polyamorous relationships are usually romantic and emotional, and they are usually also sexual. Polyamorous relationships can take many forms. Open relationships, in which committed partners have sexual and romantic relationships outside the main relationships, are an example of polyamory. Swingers have sexual and romantic relationships with other people, and this can happen with or without their committed partners. Other people who are polyamorous have multiple partners who are equally important but do not have specific partners who are more important.

Since polyamory is still not widely practiced in the United States, polyamory websites and groups have formed to build a polyamorous community. People involved in the community discuss polyamorous relationships and the ethics and rules that should guide polyamory. Members of the groups also meet in the hope of establishing new romantic relationships.

Polyamory is not the same thing as polygamy. Polygamy is being married to multiple people. Most often, polygamy is practiced in the United States, with one man having multiple wives. The man is permitted to have multiple romantic and sexual relationships, but the women are not allowed to have romantic or sexual relationships with each other or with other men or women. In US history, the practice is often associated with early practitioners of the Mormon faith, which endorsed polygamy, which they referred to as plural marriage, for decades until renouncing the practice in 1890. Polyamory is different because the individuals do not have to be married (and are often unmarried) and because all genders have equal power to have multiple relationships.

Polyamory is controversial. In the United States, a number of groups object to polyamory. Some people who oppose polyamory believe that romantic and sexual relationships should occur only between one man and one woman; this view is often based on conservative religious beliefs. These people often oppose any type of relationship that does not conform to their strict ideas about marriage and sexual relationships, and they often oppose same-sex relationships as well. Still others who oppose polyamory do so because they believe that polyamory can be conflated with being gay or bisexual. Even though polyamorous relationships are practiced by people of all sexual orientations and genders, some people worry that promoting polyamory could be detrimental to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual (LGBTQIA+) rights by misrepresenting all LGBTQIA+ individuals as polyamorous. Still other groups criticize modern polyamory as it is usually represented as being undertaken by White, middle-class people without disabilities. Some people believe that modern polyamory is not inclusive enough, and those who practice polyamory should make an effort to be more inclusive and intersectional in their relationships and in their discussions about polyamory. Because some groups disagree with polyamory, many polyamorists with children do not talk openly about their relationships. Some people who were openly polyamorist in the United States have had their children removed from their homes.

Although some believe that polyamorous relationships are controversial and go against some cultural norms, people involved in polyamory often have their own ethical codes. Often, polyamorists believe that all people involved in a relationship have the same amount of power and deserve the same amount of attention. In other words, no one person in the relationship is more important than any other. One rule that is common to all polyamorist relationships is that people in the relationship are expected to be open and honest about all sexual and romantic relationships, and they must communicate their feelings to make their relationships successful. Many polyamorists believe in setting limits openly and honestly with their partners.

Although polyamorists are committed to their relationships and their way of life, most are not concerned with gaining the right to marry multiple partners, which is illegal in the United States. Many polyamorists eschew marriage and feel their open relationships do not require recognition from the government. Despite the lack of interest some polyamorists have toward formal legal recognition of their way of life, these individuals have received limited legal recognition on a few occasions. For example, in a notable ruling in 2022, a New York City eviction court judge held that the legal protections that apply to couples also apply to polyamorous relationships, at least in the realm of eviction and housing law. This ruling followed similar ordinances in Massachusetts which recognized multipartner domestic partnerships. Polyamory continued to become increasingly visible in society in general and in the media. The increase in acceptance of polyamorous relationships could be seen in the creation of dating apps specifically for polyamory, as well as representations of polyamorous relationships in movies, television, and literature.

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