Triangulation (psychology)
Triangulation in psychology refers to a dynamic commonly observed in family systems, particularly amidst parental conflict. This phenomenon involves a child being drawn into disagreements between parents, either overtly or covertly, which can significantly impact the child's emotional and psychological well-being. Overt triangulation is characterized by direct communication where parents might criticize each other in front of the child, while covert triangulation tends to be more subtle, with parents using the child to convey messages to one another, avoiding direct confrontation.
The effects of triangulation can lead to behavioral problems in children and contribute to a blurred sense of family roles, potentially causing long-term psychological issues as they grow into adulthood. Research indicates that children involved in triangulation may struggle with differentiation—the ability to maintain a sense of self while managing relationships—resulting in difficulties in forming healthy relationships later in life. Studies also highlight gender differences in how triangulation affects boys and girls, with evidence suggesting varying emotional impacts based on parental distress.
Overall, triangulation reflects a complex interplay of family dynamics that can hinder healthy emotional development, emphasizing the importance of clear boundaries and open communication among family members for fostering a positive environment. Understanding these dynamics can be crucial for addressing and mitigating the negative consequences associated with parental conflict.
Triangulation (psychology)
Triangulation often occurs in families where there is significant conflict between parents. In this family setting, triangulation often leads to, or is the cause of, the reinforcement of behavioral problems and inconsistent parenting. Covert triangulation is often subtle and due to two persons who tend to avoid conflict. Rather than speak openly and to each other about a problem, adults use the child to relay messages. Overt triangulation often involves parents vociferously criticizing each other, asking a child to take sides, and/or communicating to the child a parent’s undesired behavior or negative messages about the other parent. The health and well-being of a young adult could be compromised when the balance of family roles and boundaries is not in a healthy state. When generational roles are blurred, and a child takes on the role of an adult caregiver (as in parentification), the child may not fully separate from the family psychologically (differentiate) while growing into adulthood.
Brief History
According to recent studies, girls are more often the targets of triangulation by fathers and mothers, show more empathic behaviors, and are more sensitive to parental distress. Different studies have yielded different results with regard to the negative outcomes of triangulation and its effect on sons versus daughters. In one study, triangulation resulted in depression and anxiety in girls and not boys, while another study showed no significant difference. The two phenomena of triangulation and parentification have been studied concurrently and are closely related, as they often occur in tandem. Both triangulation and parentification are a type of cross-generational boundary diffusion, in which children are pulled into the marital relationship to act as mediators and solve disagreements. In this setting, children may be tasked with relaying messages, to choose one parent over another, and/or act as referees during conflict. This is a common outcome of marital discord and for children who have witnessed parental conflict due to divorce. Most gender studies involving triangulation and parentification focus on the mother–child relationship. In studies that follow fathers and the father-child relationship, research shows children are more negativity impacted by witnessing the father’s emotional distress. It has also been shown that mothers more often engage in emotional parentification, where a child acts as the caregiver or spouse as well as a source of emotional support. Families with poorly defined boundaries may lead to children taking on unhealthy roles and too much responsibility.
Increasingly, studies show that young adults have experienced triangulation and parentification, with the numbers of reported incidents higher among children of divorced parents. There are some gender differences, as mothers tend to rely on their children more for emotional support; however, both mothers and fathers often do this during and after divorce. These dynamics often have a negative effect on children, resulting in short- and long-term consequences, especially with regard to psychological adjustment and relationship forming. There is a strong correlation among young men with married parents, which means boys tend to suffer direct, negative consequences of their parents’ disagreements as they continue to live in the same household. This highlights the role of triangulation in boys’ lives and the need for more studies on boys and girls in these situations.
Overview
The Bowen family systems theory is a system used to describe the family as an emotional unit and the complex interactions within this unit. Family members are often tightly connected emotionally. This emotional connection and reactivity means that family members are interdependent. A change in one family member will likely result in change in another. The degree to which this occurs is different for each family. There is an evolutionary purpose for this interconnectedness, as the family unit requires cooperation to successfully feed and shelter family members. However, when there is an imbalance, when there is high anxiety, it can spread throughout the family unit and interactions may become more stressed rather than comforting. One or more family members may feel isolated or overwhelmed as they absorb the tension of others. Members may play a roles in which they take on too much responsibility for others’ distress (due to unrealistic expectations), or they may eagerly agree to decisions and give up their power in the relationship (to pacify the anxious person giving orders). This person "absorbs" the family anxiety and is often the one most likely to experience alcoholism, depression, illness, and other negative effects. When triangulation thrusts a child into marital discord, the child becomes the receptacle of anxiety, which diffuses marital tension for a time. This child often has more difficulty differentiating from the family, especially compared to siblings.
Differentiation occurs as a result of normal psychological and emotional development. It is a lifelong process, which begins in childhood. If the process goes well, a healthy adult will have a well-defined sense of self and a capacity for intimate relationships. There are levels of differentiation and one’s place on the scale can vary throughout life. A poorly differentiated person requires lots of validation and approval from others. If this person does not get external approval they may feel empty, insignificant or unworthy. A poorly differentiated person may try to control people overtly or covertly to get these needs met. Different people go about this in different ways. Some may have control issues and cannot tolerate disagreement; they may seek comfort in external sources such as food, shopping, and alcohol. Others may be people pleasers who cannot voice their own opinions or stand up for themselves. They may go along with the group to keep the peace and feel rejected or angry when others cannot read their minds or meet their emotional needs. According to scientific theory, one’s level of differentiation is dependent upon family of origin. It is believed a person can reach the same level of differentiation as their parents and once adulthood is reached the level of differentiation is well established. It is possible to continue to achieve higher levels of differentiation; however, this requires a lot of effort.
In a healthy relationship, each partner has a healthy level of differentiation; one does not seek to control, manipulate, intrude, or interfere in the relationship. Each person sees the other’s goals, dreams and motives as equal to their own; personal freedom is nurtured. In such a union, one’s boundaries, goals, and aspirations are respected and valued. Similarly, in a healthy family unit, children develop increasing assertiveness, confidence, and autonomy as they build more personal power. Parents may feel some anxiety in letting a child go, yet also feel pride and satisfaction.
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